A Glimpse Behind the Mask

New Blog!!

2009-03-19T18:15:00.001-05:00

I am moving my collection of thoughts to a new blog. With a new design. And a new theme. Delete this one from your bookmarks and news feeds. And add Not My Own

Why I love Gmail

2008-11-20T19:11:00.003-05:00

I can search all my mail and find just what I am looking for.
Filters and labels. I can filter incoming mail based on certain info and send it directly to the archive. Add a label to it and then it shows up under the label and not in my inbox. It makes things so organized. Perfect for me and my need for organization.
I jumped on board soon enough and got the email addressES I wanted. Yes, I have three gmail accounts, each with a name I love.
NEW- gmail themes. There are simple colors as well as pictures. It's like a background for your email.

If you don't have gmail, you should check it out. It's pretty sweet!

57 hours

2008-11-12T19:48:00.002-05:00

I have worked at my job for 10 months minus 4 days. For the past 3 months I have been living and working in the houses with the students as their Housemother. My job is far from normal, in the things I do as well as my time off. I get the days off while the students are at school and work in the AM and PM. My day(s) off are Wednesday and every other Thursday; I work the "weekends."

I always knew I worked over 40 hours a week. I was always afraid to calculate how many hours I work per week. I knew it would not make me like this place.

Well, I am working on planning time off and, since I was calculating things, I decided to see how many hours I work per week. 57 hours per week; 49 on the ones where I get Thursday off. Here is the breakdown of my days:

Sunday: 7:30a-5p = 9.5 hrs
Monday: 8a-9:30p, with hopefully 2-3 hours off = 11.5 hrs
Tuesday: 8:30a-12:30p (sometimes 2p), 4p-9:30p = 9.5 hrs
Wednesday: 6a-8:30a = 2.5 hrs
Thursday: 4p-9:30p = 5.5 hrs
Friday: 6a-8:30a, 4p-9:30p = 8 hrs
Saturday: 6a-11a, 4p-9:30p = 10.5 hrs

On weeks where I have two days off, I work 2.5 on Wednesday, 0 on Thursday, and 5.5 on Friday for a total of 49 for the week.

I also went and calculated how much I get paid per hour. I won't share it, but it's not a fun number. I was already not liking this place for other reasons and now I have a few more things to add to my list.

I "signed"* a contract for 2 years and I won't keep it a secret, I'm leaving as soon as those two years are up. Unless God pulls rank.....please no

*I was supposed to sign a contract but never did....

Second Sermon: Jesus Christ

2008-10-26T19:03:00.002-05:00

This is the written copy of the sermon I gave earlier this morning. If you would like to see the facebook account that I created for this sermon, log into your account and search for "Jesus Carpenter" Please, in the friend request, send a message mentioning this blog.

Last time I was up here I spoke on the foundation of Christianity: Jesus Christ and him crucified. I figured the next logical step was to share about who Jesus is. I have been reading through the gospels, taking notes on the person of Jesus; not the things he said but who he was. For the 1071 verses in the book of Matthew (the only book I have completed studying so far), I made 240 observations about who Jesus is. And I came to the quick conclusion that simply going through these points would be boring. So I made a facebook for Jesus. Not one as if Jesus lived today, but one based solely on the book of Matthew. So, let's go check out his page.

Sex: Male- well, that I knew
Birthday- December 25th- again, old news
political views: this comes from 22:15-22. Jesus is being challenged by the Pharisees about paying taxes to Caesar. In short, respecting a foreign ruler. His answer tells us two things: one, he could read a trap and had an answer which set him free and two, he respected the government of the time by doing as requested and giving back what was theirs
Religious view- man this was a tough one. All the things Jesus spoke about were his religious views. How was I going to narrow them down? I ended up just referencing the greatest commandment. All of the law and the prophets hang on loving God and loving man.

My main focus in reading Matthew was to find out who Jesus was. Therefore, the personal information section of the facebook account was more what I was looking to fill out.
Activities- Jesus did a lot of things, including some of the big ones here.
Healing- Jesus healed by speaking and by touch, when his disciples were unable to, after an anger outburst in the temple. Jesus had a desire to heal and He was able to help all those who came. People came with diseases, pain, demons, seizures, paralysis and each one was healed. Jesus had the desire and power to heal others from physical and spiritual ills.
Teaching- well, Matthew contains the Sermon on the Mount, so it's no surprise teaching was one of his activities. Jesus takes the opportunity to teach off of things that go on around him. There must have been something important in the words he said since he was talking often.
Traveling- From birth, Jesus was moving all over, mainly throughout Galilee. Jesus wasn't kidding when he said the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. Whatever he had to say wasn't meant to stay in one place. And it couldn't be with the way some people treated him.
Ah, one of my favorites-giving smart people reality checks. So many times Jesus set people's reality. The lies they have told themselves about how they are living are revealed. A good example is the rice young man who claimed to follow all the commandments. But he was unwilling to give up all he had to serve God. Now, this man knew there was something more- that's why he asked Jesus. He just hoped it wasn't his one weakness. Too bad, it was and Jesus had no problem letting him know the truth.
Explaining the law- This is what most of the Sermon on the Mount is about- correcting the beliefs about the law and setting the bar even higher. Jesus also clarifies the law for the priests who have twisted it.

Those activities are all fine and good, but we still don't have a good picture of the person of Jesus. Let's check out the things that interested him.
Time alone to pray- Jesus was constantly surrounded by people who wanted to hear him teach and who wanted to be healed. But Jesus needed to be alone; a time to recharge and spend time with his Father. He withdraws after he hears of John the Baptist's death and then later after feeding 5000 people. And of course, there are the prayers in the garden before he is taken by the guards. In the hard emotional times in his life, Jesus goes to be alone and pray.
Stories and parables- That's about the only way he taught. Jesus took every opportunity to teach using these stories, which helped his listeners. The stories and parables, though maybe hard to understand today, meant a lot to his listeners. He wanted them to get it!
Faith in others- “your faith has healed you” “do you believe I can heal you?” Faith is what he looked for when he was healing. Faith was what he asked of Peter when he stepped on to the crashing waves. Faith was what he challenged those who wanted to follow him; would they give up what they had to follow this man?
Guiding people to God- there isn't much about the connection between Jesus and God in Matthew, but Jesus does call all who have ears to hear. He teaches them so that on judgment day, they can say they do have a relationship with God and not be disowned.
And Jesus loved it when people would listen and respond. The best way to see this is when he leaves when people don't listen. He doesn't spend his time with the priests trying to correct their teaching. He spends time with the sinners who accept his words.
Of course, there were many more things that Jesus was interested in, but these are some of the highlights from Matthew

The about me section. I didn't fill this out as things Jesus would say about himself, but rather my summary of him.
First, he is confrontational. Man, when he gave out those reality checks, they were pretty harsh. In chapter 23, he lays into the teachers of the law and Pharisees. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.” Now that's a confrontation!
Along those same lines, we can see in Matthew how Jesus challenged people's beliefs and actions. He didn't let them stay where they were at in their faith, but set a higher bar for them and called them to it. While the harsh confrontations were generally to the Pharisees and teachers of the law, Jesus challenged both people he knew little, such as the rich young man mentioned earlier, and his own disciples.
To round out his possibly standoff-ish personality, Jesus was also very welcoming. He taught and healed the crowds that came to him. He called people to him, not only his disciples, but also all who are weary and burdened. Even when people aren't called and come through the roof while he is teaching, Jesus heals and forgives. If you come to him humbly and with faith, or the desire for faith, he will welcome you and help you. But when you judge or lead people astray for the Truth, he will be harsh.
It all comes down to his passion. It is this passion that drives him to overturn the money changers tables in the temple. It is this passion that drives him to call out the hypocritical priests. It is this passion that drove him to heal and teach and guide people to God. His passion was for his Father and for others. Sounds like the great commandment? :)

So, I have this new Facebook friend named Jesus Carpenter with all these qualities. But we all know being facebook friends doesn't mean a whole lot. You may already be friends with the person. Or you may not really know the person and add them to stalk them. Each one of you has a friend invite waiting from Jesus. And I'm not just talking about facebook. He is calling everyone of you into a real relationship with him; one that goes much deeper than words on a computer screen. Get to know him; not the stories you think you know or the Jesus you think he is, but who he really is. Will you find that on his facebook page? Nope. Check out the first four books of the new testament and find out who he really is. Some things may surprise you.

The face behind the mask

2008-10-03T10:52:00.002-05:00

There he stood in front of us, staff and students alike, and shared his journal from the previous week. It was more than just a glimpse behind the mask; the war mask was gone completely and he stood there as the man God had created him to be, though still a boy growing into the tailor-made clothes and title. His calm, confidence and eloquence of words were nothing new. But the words out of his mouth were drastically different.

A little more than a year ago I heard a strong-willed, intelligent and bitter teen go on and on about why anarchy was the best "form" of government and the non-existence of a god. He bragged about the games he played with previous counselors and his confiscated personal journal was impressive in the amount of anger and bitterness it contained. He was intimidating to a brand new counselor who had been "warned" of his ways.

Yet I did get a glimpse behind his mask during the final weeks of the summer as he faced his emotions and tears found their ways to his eyes. I will never forget that counseling session.

But the seed that was planted by one was watered by another as God made it grow. And grow it did until that week when it broke through the ground and budded. There he stood in front of us and shared of demons and internal dragons, of crying out for help from those who promise it and the rage that grew when it was not delivered, of finding wings to soar and once binding chains now broken from the wall ad used for clearing a path.

"There is only one path before, yet I act as though it forked. One day it will be clear, or so I hope. Many see the spirit within, if only I could too...The day will come when I will awake within myself and be set free. Sooner than later...Insanity is often described as trying the same thing expecting different results. I would have to say it is knowing the right path, but not taking it."

I was one who could see the spirit within. I knew beyond doubt that God would get this kid and use him for great things. I let him know I was praying for him and encouraged honesty when he talked about God with me. I just had no idea when.

Earlier that evening he had told me randomly that I would enjoy what he was sharing later in the service, but he wouldn't tell me what it was as he printed it off. I changed subjects, or so I thought, and asked how his faith was.
"Good," he said plainly.
"Let me rephrase- describe your faith," I tried again.
"It's there," he responded, as simply as the first time; so simple that I knew it was true. But how much faith? And in what exactly?
"What is your faith in?"
He looked at me and smiled a bit: "My Father."

I don't think I really believed him at first. I knew what he meant, but...could it really be?! My disbelief slowly faded and was replaced by excitement I tried to control. He was so calm and matter-of-fact, as if it was normal. But it was a big deal and yet...normal...expected...right.

There he stood in front of us, telling us in his own way that he had given up fighting and hiding and accepted the love of his Father. I sat listening calmly, but filled with the excitement that comes with seeing a great promise fulfilled. The seed that was planted by his family and watered by constant letters from friends from his youth group and staff who were patient with him had slowly been growing by God's power. Now seeing the fruit, there was nothing I wanted to do more than praise my Father for what He had done and allowing me to be there when it happened.

My God is so BIG so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do!

My First Semon

2008-09-22T20:54:00.004-05:00

The following is the written version of my sermon. I know I changed it some as I spoke.

What is Christianity all about? You hear about it every Sunday, every evening for devos, in Bible class. You may even call yourself a “Christian”. But what does that really mean?
I want to thank all of you in Bible class who turned in an answer to this question and for the staff who were willing to answer my randomly asked question. Here are some of your answers:
“relationship with God”
“having a loving father caring for you”
“god and faith”
“being good and having faith”
“living your life to the glory of god”
“love and faith”
For most of those, I think I could find scripture to back it up. However, what if we wanted to reduce it down to two things that “are Christianity” to share with others, what would you pick? Katelin, I want highlight your answer because it is such a good lead-in for my topic today. “It's about Jesus Christ and how he came to earth and died on the cross to save us from our sins.”

Katelin, you are on the same page as Paul when he went to Corinth to preach to a new church in a city known for its wealth, culture and moral corruption. Paul writes them later, reminding those in the church what it was like for him when he first came.

Chapter 2 starting in verse 1
“When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.”

There it is: Jesus Christ and him crucified. Paul didn't concern himself with prayer, fasting, church attendance, or “good” living. Paul had knowledge of theological topics as can be seen later in this letter and others, but in the beginning of his preaching, he did not make that his focus. Just two simple things: Jesus and his death. What is so important about these two things that made it all that Paul needed to know?

Let's take a look at Jesus. Hopefully it is obvious that Christ is an important part of Christianity. After all, it is where that name comes from.
What do we know of Jesus Christ? Quite a bit if you include the old testament prophecies, the gospels about his life, and the references to him in the letters to various churches. We know about his lineage, little about him growing up, teachings, dinner dates, fishing, healing, death and resurrection. To go into all that we know about Jesus would take much longer than 20 minutes and I have been sternly warned about my time limit. Maybe another time. But one thing that is interesting to notice is that Paul states he was proclaiming “the testimony of God's” yet didn't say he resolved to know about the Creator or the Almighty God. He came sharing the knowledge of Jesus. In case you didn't already know this, there is a connection between Jesus and God. It's almost as if God were this being that is SO beyond us that we have little to no hope of understanding or explaining. Yet, when Jesus came, he was both the Son of God and the Son of Man. While we cannot understand God, we can better understand Jesus since he was human like us. He is the “image of the invisible God”, as Paul writes in Colossians. That is just one reason Jesus is worth being in Paul's narrow focus of preaching.
And then, of all the things in Jesus' life, Paul made his focus his death. What is so important about Jesus' death that it deserves to be talked about as a separate topic? I get to bring up my favorite verse in the Bible to answer this. Matthew 27:51- “At that moment (as Jesus died) the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.” This curtain kept people from coming into the presence of God at any time. Access was only allowed one day a year by one person, the high priest. With his death, access was granted to any person at any time. We no longer face God's wrath, but his peace. Why? The holes in our relationship with God have been patched by Jesus' blood. We can now have a normal relationship with Him. (these are Paul's words from Romans 5)

Now, for all of you who just had my words go in one ear and out the other, here is a visual of the first two chapters of 1 Corinthians. (brought to you by Wordle.net) What stands out in the first two chapters? God, Jesus, Christ, Spirit, Lord, and wisdom. Some of those come later in the passage. And can you see “crucified” there next to the “su” in Jesus?

Both Jesus Christ and his death is what Christianity is about. It is all Paul preached as he started a church in an unlikely city. It is what he reminds the church of as their focus has shifted to differing beliefs and divisions in the church. I guess I could stop here and make sure that I'm under the 20 minutes. After all, I already answered the first question about what Christianity is.

But there is more that can be found in the how and why.

How did Paul preach? Pretty much like me right now- weakness, fear and trembling.

I am reminded of one of my favorite books, which has now also been made into a movie. In Prince Caspian, The prince, along with the pevensies and Narnians, have defeated the evil and wrongful king. Now it is Caspian's time to reclaim the crown. Aslan asks him about this task:
“Welcome, Prince, Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?”
“I- I don’t think I do, Sir,” said Caspian. “I’m only a kid.”
“Good,” said Aslan. “If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been proof that you were not.”
Caspian was humble and therefore ready to lead Narnia.

The same is true of Paul as he went to the Corinthians. He was humble and weak and his words were unwise and unpersuasive. But he went anyway and preached what he knew because he was called.

Why did he go if he felt weak and unprepared? Because it wasn't about him! Paul is talking about God and he knows that he deserves none of the credit in Christianity. In chapter 1, Paul makes this clear as he attacks the issue of divisions in the church based on the man that each group says they follow. Paul preached in weakness so that the focus would be on the Spirit's power, not his own; so that their faith would be in God and not Paul.

Christianity is not about Paul, or Apollos, or Cephas, names mentioned in chapter 1. It's not about John Stott, Charles Spurgeon or Billy Graham. It's not about Mr Harden, Mr Friesen or myself. It is about God: Jesus, the human with the fullness of God, his death, his wisdom, his power. As George MacDonald said through the character of Thomas Wingfold in one of his books: “For Christianity does not mean what you think or what I think concerning Christ, but what IS OF Christ. My Christianity, if ever I come to have any, will be what of Christ is in me; your Christianity now is what of Christ is in you.”

I want to leave you with a little “so what” as an application for knowing that Christianity is all about Jesus, his death and God's power and wisdom.

Those who claim Christianity: Make sure you have the right focus, both in how you live and how your share the message of God. Make your Christianity all about Christ and His death, God's power and wisdom.

Those who reject Christianity: Make sure you are rejecting the right thing. If Christianity is all about Jesus and his death and God's power, that is what you must ok with rejecting, not Christians. But don't reject something without knowing about it- that is just arrogant.

Reminders of Home

2008-09-20T14:13:00.002-05:00

Recently, I have been feeling like my whole life revolves around this little campus on the mountain in Jarabacoa. It is frustrating when all of my time is spent working, doing things I don't have time for while working, and preparing for other jobs I have volunteered for.

But today on my time off this afternoon, I have had a chance to "get in touch" with things back home. I was listening to my favorite radio station from home while I did some other work things. And now I have the Taylor football game on (ugly, I know, but it's still a bit of home). This has improved my day :).

No Love Lost

2008-09-12T08:46:00.003-05:00

I love the Cubs. Always have. It's something that was passed down to me from my grandpa to my dad and to me. I few months ago I shared about them as ESPN had a big deal about them on their main page.

So, when I found this today, I just had to share it. For all those cold, windy games at Wrigley, to seeing them in various cities anytime their schedule matched our vacation schedule, to knowing the phone would ring with my grandpa on the other side as soon as something good or bad happened in a game, I will wait, for myself and my grandpa. Pop- wish you were here for this season!

For all you other Cubs fans who have not lost your love, check out Outside the Lines on ESPN, Sunday at 9am ET

Closed Friday

2008-09-12T08:01:00.003-05:00

Living in the Caribbean, you can't help but be aware of hurricanes. Having lived in the Houston area, you can't help but pay attention to hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico. Put those two together and you see why Ike has been on my mind for at least 2 weeks now. I first began "worrying" when they made a big deal of it at work, reminding us to stockpile water and let us know they would be saving some rice and beans and eggs for us in the campus kitchen. Last week I watched as the projected path moved further and further north of Hispaniola. And that is what the hurricane did- remained north of the island. That's not to say it didn't affect us here, with over 40,000 Dominican displaced from their homes. But here in the mountains we were over prepared.

I have paid a little attention to it in the past week. However, I have noticed that the projected path moved closed and closed to a direct hit of Galveston, Clear Lake and Houston. Knowing it was close, I checked the Weather Channel this morning to find this: Pretty big, ain't it? I then went to the Houston Chronicle to see what things are like in that area as they prepare for the storm. According to this everything, including the airports, are closed starting today. Yeah, it's that big of a deal.

Here is what some of my friends from the area are saying through their Facebook status: "I think Ike is on track to literally wind up at my doorstep. Nice." "is waiting on Ike." "says bring it Ike" "is not evacuating, but this could get interesting" "Y-Ikes!!" "is evacuating tomorrow. Thanks Ike" "is thinking about possible campsites"

If I have any Houston area readers (who aren't too busy to read this), know I am praying for you all to survive the storm well.

Four Names I Dislike

2008-09-02T13:17:00.003-05:00

I want to apologize to any one who has one of these names (and those of you who are reading my two dislikes back to back).

Gustav, you gave us 24 hours of rain, no water for about half a day and knocked over some trees onto some Dominican neighbors' homes.

Hanna, you have brought us more rain and some wind, but thanks for staying out of our hair, and water supply.

Ike, man you are making us plan ahead big time as we make reserves for drinking water, bathing/toilet water and food. If you come this way, it'll be rice and beans for many meals. Please don't mess with the flights of staff nor the births of babies nor our fall retreat.

Josephine- here is your early warning- stay away from this island!

EDIT 9-3: Hanna, you are just sticking around, aren't you? I thought they said you would be closer to Florida by now, but you are actually closer to us then you were the past couples days. Thank you for really only bringing some occasional big gusts of wind.

Hot Sauce

2008-09-02T12:54:00.002-05:00

My boys (how I refer to the students in my house) love hot sauce. So do the other staff that work in the house with me. And I really have no problem with it. Well, that was until Saturday.

I had made a chicken soup and tried to flavor it nicely, getting it as hot as possible so that I could still eat it, though I know the boys will like it at least 5 times hotter. As soon as we sat down to eat, the housefather gets up to get his hot sauce: 100% Pain. For some reason, it hit me hard that time. The food has not even been tasted and yet they are changing the flavor! Almost everyone put some in the soup and commented on the zing and "pain" they felt because of it. Even Eric, sitting next to me, had little bits of sweat on his face. I began to wonder why I should even flavor the soup when they are going to do it themselves. And how can you eat food that always has the same flavor: hot sauce. There are other tastes in this world. It was a low blow to the time I had spent in the kitchen.

So how did I feel when the dare comes up to see how long the students will last with some on their lips? Terrified. I had made dessert! It was chocolate! They had BETTER not do that until after they had dessert. I was already worried about their taste buds being a bit numb after the hot sauce soup. Much to my relief, Barry was smart enough not to start the challenge (which was fun to observe) until after the dessert was eaten. Yet I still walked away from that meal offended.

What am I supposed to do now? I know they all, house staff included, love hot sauce and I don't want to take it away from them altogether. Is it worth it to talk with Barry about reserving the flavor-destroyer for only certain meals? For now all I can say is I hate hot sauce even more than I did before.

Day 1 of the new job

2008-08-13T15:18:00.001-05:00

I made breakfast in the morning and was getting ready to make the boys' lunch. But I couldn't find the chick peas for the hummus. They were there the night before! I looked all over for them and was starting to get very frustrated- who took the chick peas and why?! What would I do for their lunch? Nearly in tears, I loudly ask “Who took my chick peas?” At Barry's* command, a few boys get up to help me look, but they don't stay long and everyone goes back to cleaning and getting ready for school. Why aren't they helping me? What am I going to do? What will the boys have for lunch? This is horrible!!!

I wake up...I was only dreaming. I didn't sleep well last night. I was too worried about making sure I had the right food and enough of it. I was worried about not waking up in time to get the coffee started and the granola finished. So, I barely slept. But the morning went well. The granola and yogurt were good, though there were no leftovers (what will I do for leftover night??). Things got cleaned up and I went about making the hummus for their lunch. My chick peas were all there, however, the power was out, so I had to hand mash it. I hope it tastes ok.

And now I am off. Only on for one shift and now a break. I guess that's good. I am thankful things are going better than I expected, though I still feel a lack of communication between me and Barry, the housefather. But I'm pretty sure it is all in my head, since I can be a control freak at times of major change. I look forward to getting to know and being there to love on all 7 boys who moved into the house and the 2 new ones coming today. I hope to share stories and insights and lessons learned as I grow in my new position of housemother at a therapeutic boarding school.

*names have been and will be changed to protect the staff and students involved.

When tragedy comes

2008-08-08T15:57:00.003-05:00

My first concert was on Feb 2, 1997 (I'm pretty sure). I went to see Steven Curtis Chapman, along with Audio Adrenaline and Caroline Aarons. I loved SCC's music. He has been the longest standing favorite of mine.

I don't have time to search for details of the tragedy in his life in May, but here he is on Larry King Live. I have yet to finish it all (slow internet), but I have to say, I still really like SCC and family (not the most eloquence, but still good).

EDIT: I found the whole thing on youtube here.

I'm a nerd OR my feelings about my new position

2008-08-07T20:49:00.004-05:00

I was trying to think of a good way to communicate my feelings about being a housemother (HM) this fall. Since they have changed and continue to change, the first thing in my mind was a mathematical equation and graph. However, I didn't want to sit and try to make an equation to clearly communicate it, so I just went about drawing a graph. Here is what I came up with. I know the bottom scale is not consistent, but it would be too wide if it was.

Explanation of a few points:

January is when I came down here. I was excited since I was just hired as a housemom, but was going to in education until they had an opening. That excitement quickly decreased when I realized I would not be in a house for some time (it probably dropped faster than on the graph)
Mid July I found out that the main plan in the fall was to have me in a house. I probably had two days of high excitement before settling down and waiting for details and the fall to come closer so I could be surer.
At the beginning of August, the summer semester ended and I moved to the HM position, which was (and is right now) training. My excitement has continued to grow steady as the fall comes.
However, as training continues and the move-in date approaches (Aug 12), I am getting stressed. A few things that are concerns are my menu, shopping, and the house getting cleaned and ready in time for me to get set up before the students move in.

Wow, this has just made me even more stressed and slightly depressed. Dear God, please let everything go as smoothly as possible, even though few things work that way here. You know I can't handle things if they get crazier; I will break.

Legal Driving

2008-08-03T17:27:00.006-05:00

I am proud to say that as of Friday, I am now a legal driver on the roads in the Dominican Republic. And, what you ask, is required for this? (ok, you may not ask, but I want to share).

Let's take the easy one first: driver. I purchased my 1992 225 Yamaha Serow at the beginning of June from a staff member who was leaving. He gave me one lesson before he left and I went from there.

Now onto the legal part. According to a motorcycle policy with work, I always have to wear a helmet on a motorbike on campus. No problem. As of July 26th, Dominican law now requires all motorbike riders to have a helmet. It has been interesting to see them as this new law comes into action with those on the road. You used to be able to distinguish Americans (or Canadians) in missions here by the fact that they were wearing helmets on their bikes. Dominicans are now wearing them, though theirs are generally more like baseball helmets or old-school helmets (I think of Ralph from The Mouse and the Motorcycle) while our helmets are DOT approved.

The new law also requires drives to always have their matricula, or title, and insurance. Thank goodness the title got passed on to me. As for the insurance, I went on Friday to purchase it. With 300 pesos (about $10), my US drivers license, and about 5 mis, I had insurance. Now "that was easy"!

And as an extra, I got a new battery on my bike, so I now have lights to drive at night and can honk when I pass people on the road. It is so nice to have a pair of wheels here.

All Star Game

2008-07-15T23:54:00.002-05:00

Well, it's 1am and I'm still up following the ASG in the 13th inning. I don't really know why I'm doing this, since I have work tomorrow. I guess I figure it'll have some big impact, on baseball, this season, and maybe even the Cubs in the World Series. All I know is I started watching this game at 8pm (for the pregame) at a pizza place in town. I am now all set for bed, laying on my couch, watching the updates online.

Oh, I hope this ends soon, with a NL win.

Songs of My Life

2008-07-09T19:56:00.002-05:00

Here are the real colors of my face, not those of my mask. Giving you the details of my face is too scary, so it's just this for now. Thank you to these songwriters for putting my words together better than I could.

Relient K, Let it all out
And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh inconsistent me, crying out for consistency
And you said "I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart, then things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear,
remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."
And I'll let it be known (at times I have shown)
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me, there is strength
And you promised me (that you believe)
in time I will defeat this
'Cause somewhere in me, there is strength
And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget that that man isn't me

Lifehouse, Broken
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
Is there healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay

Lifehouse, Storm
I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface
if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I see you
the darkness will turn to light
and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright

Keith Urban, I can't stop loving you
Cause I can't stop loving you
I can't stop loving you
No, I can't stop loving you
Though I try

My other love

2008-06-20T11:27:00.002-05:00

...Though I don't think "other" is correct. I just wrote about computers, which isn't really a love, it's more of an interest. Whatever it is, I'm on to the next thing: sports. You are getting an idea of what I do on my day off and how I go through my Reader: news then sports.

I love basketball. I will watch any game no matter who is playing and will follow March Madness though I don't have a team or follow the Playoffs when I don't care who wins. That's how it was for me this year. But come on, it was the Lakers vs Celtics, a classic matchup. "The NBA Finals games were the six highest-rated and most-watched programs so far in June, the first time that has happened in seven years." Sadly, being in the DR without a TV I was unable to be one of the 16.9 million viewers (on average), though I did watch the stats, courtesy of ESPN GameCast.

I'm not sure how long this will be up, but currently, my love in baseball is the topic of the front ESPN page. I owe many of my sports alliances to my father and brother, but I can say truly, I own this one passed on from them. This one even has roots in my grandpa- "Pop"; if only he could be around for this season. I am talking about the team that has the best record in baseball. The team which has had many curses. The team which has a great outfield. A team which may soon be sold. I'm talking about the Chicago Cubs. Here are a few things that ESPN has to say about this team:

Some terms it would be helpful to know if you want to join the bandwagon. You should know these if you are a fan.

Speaking of real vs bandwagon fans

Wait no longer: 10 reasons this is our year

If you have time and love baseball and history (or maybe even fashion) you should check out this take on the Cubs uniforms over the years. You think I'm link happy in this blog? Check out this guy; but his links are great.

And lastly, there have been some good memories in Cubs history.

With a season like this, there has been very little of this.

Go Cubs!!

Happy 60th, "Modern Computer"

2008-06-20T10:49:00.002-05:00

Sitting on a bench at school was a little, old-school laptop. I forget what kind it was, but when you opened it up, there was a card with 4MB inserted into the computer. This 2x2 inch card was adding to whatever the internal memory was. The screen was tiny and obviously not color. It was a funny sight; I don't know why it was there. But at least I recognized it and it didn't look too different from what I am using right now.

I came across this article as I was scanning my Google Reader. Now that computer was much different than mine here. How far have computers come in these 60 years? Well, I can't quite say to the extreme, since I don't know the figures on the newest and coolest computer. However, even a comparison to my laptop is amazing.

"Baby" had 128 bytes of memory, weighed one ton, took up a whole room, and used a cathode ray tube for memory. My Acer Aspire laptop here has 2 gigabytes RAM, weighs a few pounds, fits on my lap (hence a lap-top), and uses dynamic random access memory. I'm not sure how long it would take to program or compute "whether 2 to the power 127 minus 1 is a prime number" on my computer, but I can tell you, it's not one week programming and 25 minutes computing. Heck, at least both are better than 6 months for the human brain.

Thank you and congratulations to Frederic C. Williams, Tom Kilburn and Geoff Tootill for your work on the Small-Scale Experimental Machine. And thanks to all those who took that work and continued to add and refine computing into the amazing machines we have today!

Interesting News

2008-06-11T07:26:00.003-05:00

I am my father's daughter. He loves to email little links to news articles he reads or the days trivia to the rest of the family. I have followed this pattern. Today, I am taking that idea and copying off of a friend. I am sharing my cool news stories with you today. Warning, they are quite random.

The discovery of an OLD church.
Arrests at a graduation... for cheering too loud. Ah, reminds me of the airhorn that went off at my graduation...indoors.
Ever wanted a large impact on your country? How about having your song chosen for the national anthem?
The Sudoku fad is growing. It's become a great time-filler for everyone, including bored jurors.
Have you helped the victims of the China earthquake? How would you if you were an NBA player? How about giving 2 million dollars to your home country and starting a foundation to rebuild schools? I always knew I liked Yao Ming

Exciting things of the day

2008-06-06T21:31:00.002-05:00

I started to paint my room. I only got the primer coats up, but those are quite important when the previous paint was green and blue and Winnie-the-Pooh (and friends). I'm having to sleep in the living room b/c I fear I might die off the fumes in the night.
I got to ride the bike which I am buying off a staff member who is leaving tomorrow. I never took it out of second gear, but it was still fun. I am excited to learn how to change gears and all so I will have my own transportation.
I went out to eat with some friends and had some delicious chesse-stuffed pork with a chinola (passion fruit) sauce on it. I loved it.
I just made a post where every sentence started with "I." I'm selfish I know. I wish you all goodnight!

Movie Review- Prince Caspian

2008-06-01T15:50:00.003-05:00

About 5 months ago I went to go see National Treasure 2 in theaters with my family. At the very start of one of the previews, my eyes got big and my body froze. It was the rock skipping across the water. It was the logo for Walden Media. It was the preview for the next Chronicles of Narnia movie. It was the first time I had seen the Prince Caspian preview in theaters. It looked good, though with a little more fighting than I remembered in the book and I wasn't sure why I saw the White Witch. The best part, though, was the date it was coming out. I would be home on May 16th for my graduation the next day. PERFECT!

In preparation for watching the movie two weeks ago, I read the book on the plane ride home. I was raised reading and loving the tales of Narnia from C. S. Lewis. The thought of the movies coming out is both exciting and a little scary. How far from the books will they make the movies? How much of the Christian parallels will be removed? Those two questions are the two main things I ask when evaluating the movie. Along with “Did they include some of the funny quotes?” And with that in place, here is my take on the movie.

They did a great job of telling the story of Caspian before even getting to England and the Pevensies, though Prince Caspian is a lot older than I expected. Also, the pulling of the magic into Narnia was well done.
Quotes (from the book, but they made it into the movie in some fashion) 4 of my 6 favorites made it in.
1. “That’s the worst of girls,” said Edmund to Peter and the Dwarf. “They never can carry a map in their heads.” “That’s because our heads have something inside them,” said Lucy
2. “Welcome, child,” he said “Aslan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.” “That is because you are older, little one,” answered he. “Not because you are?” “I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”
3. “How could I- I couldn’t have left the others and come up to you alone, how could I? Don’t look at me like that…oh well, I suppose I could. Yes, and it wouldn’t have been alone, I know, not if I was with you. But what would have been the good?” Aslan said nothing. “You mean,” said Lucy rather faintly, “that it would have turned out all right-somehow? But how? Please, Aslan! Am I not to know?” “To know what would have happened, child?” said Aslan. “No. Nobody is ever told that.” “Oh dear,” said Lucy. “But anyone can find out what will happen.” (Aslan)
4. “Welcome, Prince,” said Aslan. “Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?” “I- I don’t think I do, Sir,” said Caspian. “I’m only a kid.” “Good,” said Aslan. “If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been proof that you were not.”
I felt the movie missed a couple of the main themes or styles of the book. This one was more of a mystery/ adventure at the beginning as they try to figure out where they are, what year it is, where Susan's horn is and what is going on. In an attempt to get to the fighting (and an extra fight scene), this was rushed. Also in focusing on the war, you miss a lot of the history of Narnia. This is a slower book than the first; it should have been a slower movie. But the makers were obviously completing with Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and needed to make Prince Caspian more intense. The fairy tale-ness in this book was lost.
Also, the movie made Aslan a much smaller part. The blind faith of Lucy was minimal. And High King Peter doubted his King's ability to help them. That hurt me. There was also a big section that was cut out (yes, it fit the more fairy tale theme, not the war theme) in which we see more of Aslan power, help and relationship with Narnia. The book shows his love and justice.
I will say I was GREATLY impressed with the scene that included the White Witch. The took the scene from the book and added to it well (except for pulling Peter into the temptation). Good job, writers and producers.
Lastly but certainly not least, the romance between Susan and Caspian. I cringed when he first looked at her as if he wanted her as his queen. And at the kiss I lost it. I'm sure some people in the theater (my sister included) thought I was just a little crazy. Or 5 years old and didn't like people kissing. Honestly, why add that?!

Ok, well, that's nice and long, but I did have a lot to say about it. Overall, a well made movie but I didn't like it. It was too different from the book where it really matters.

Cubs update: top of the 7th, Cubs up 5-3
Music update: Sons of Korah, Psalm 63
And the power is on and Moca is asleep.

Welcome to Hurricane Season

2008-06-01T14:26:00.002-05:00

Today is the first day of the 2008 hurricane season. In the past, this meant a new interest in the Weather Channel to see if any of these systems of powerful wind and rain would make their way into the Gulf of Mexico and head towards Galveston and Houston. This year brings a slightly different interest. Living in the Dominican Republic, I will have to keep track of any storms heading into the Caribbean. The good news is that people who have worked and lived here for a while say that it is not too bad here. Which makes sense Jarabacoa is inland and in the mountains. We'll see how it goes; I may get to meet Bertha or Gustav or Hanna or Teddy.

Cubs update: Top of the 4th, tied 1-1 and not looking good.
Music update: now playing 116 Clique Intro
Oh, and power just went off....

Preface

2008-06-01T14:03:00.003-05:00

I don't know if I have mentioned this before (and frankly I don't care enough to go see and link to it), but I am a perfectionist. That is my excuse for not blogging as often. I have plenty of ideas and things to say, but I fear they won't come out right. And if they will, it's only due to lots of time spent on them. I don't want to take the time to write something that won't turn it out the way I want it too.

We'll I figure it has been long enough and so I am going to take this Sunday afternoon to sit a blog, with my puppy in my lap, the Cubs' game on in the background, and my music on to sing along with.

Carrots

2008-04-29T19:56:00.003-05:00

I am standing in my kitchen, making a side dish for a birthday party tomorrow, with the rain pouring down outside. And I'm not in the greatest of moods. I am reflecting on things that I don't like about my life right now.

I don't like the rain. The rain flows in the streets and sidewalks and overflows into the good water supply for the town. Therefore, with lots of rain, we lose water in the apartment. No flushing the toilet (I have to force-flush it), no way to wash hands, cook, and shower. And my puppy doesn't like going in the wet grass and the rain. Therefore I get messes inside to clean up. I think that's all for the rain.

I don't have a way to transport myself. Ok, so I can walk, but groceries get heavy walking back home. And I could get a concho (motorbike-taxi). But I want my own transportation; I want a bit more independence.

I have nowhere to go to relax. At college I had plenty of places, indoors and out. However, here there are a few problems. The couch in our apt. sucks. It is a dinky little love seat thing with very uncomfortable cushions. I have tried the roof of the building, but that does no good in the rain. And I know no place in town to go. Plus, that gets back to the transportation issue.

I am in a job I was not hired for, have a degree for, nor want. All I have is the promise of a new position which fits those previous three requirements, sometime in the future.

And with all this stress, I have no one close enough to support me. I have no one here to hold the pieces when I fall apart. I have no one to re-energize me when all of these things drain me.

The only chord holding all the pieces which make up my messed up chandelier together is the ever-thinning knowledge that this is where God wants me. This is where I should be. As for why, I have no idea.

Carrots are ready...back to cooking.

Reflections on Lent

2008-04-24T18:38:00.001-05:00

I know this is a little bit after the end of Lent. And no, I did not do it to see how my 40 days without things effected my usual life, though that did happen. To begin, here is what I gave up for Lent and my reasoning for giving it up.

Non-Christian music: When I get in certain moods (pity, regret, selfish), there are certain non-Christian songs that I listen to to stay in that mood. I know that is not beneficial for me, so I only listened to Christian music for Lent.

Unnecessary internet usage: This included mainly instant messenger and facebook and really left me with only email, news (but not for long) and things for school (ie Bible Gateway). I needed this since I spend so much time online rather than reading or my quiet time. I did allow myself to “break” this on Sundays.

And here are the lessons I learned.

What I listen to really does effect how I feel and act. My 40 days of only Christian music was beneficial and did help me to maintain a positive attitude. I could not keep myself in those negative moods, which helped me overall. Two weeks later, I have avoided resorting to these types of songs at the times when I would normally have listened to them. Yay for gaining some self-control!

It is so easy to replace one distraction for another. Right as I gave up internet usage, I got hooked on Grey's Anatomy. It took going through the season and having nothing else to take up my time before I began to spend my time reading, both novels and the Bible. After I “ran out” of a distraction, I was able to make reading a part of my normal routine.
I don't like Facebook. I know one friend who will be pleased with that conclusion. I realized that it is so artificial and that I want real communication with friends and family. Not some way-too-multi-purpose social network. Oh, and I really don't need to know all the little things going on with all my many “friends.”
I struggle about being intentional about maintaining friendships. Without constant instant messenger, I found myself talking to my friends and family less. It was tough, because I wanted to, but was not used to using email as my main communication. I've also found that I really do like instant messenger, but have changed from using it all the time to just using it for real conversations with friend (as opposed to reading away messages or 'chatting').
Overall, growing closer to God is more than just giving up things. It is way too easy to replace with other things that still keep us from Him. Or we end up giving up things that He may not mind us having. It is not about the things that we do or don't do, but our heart and whether or not it truly beats for Him.

Car Salesmen and Dominican Shopping

2008-04-24T17:50:00.001-05:00

I have been to many car lots in the last 2 years or so. I was searching for the perfect car. Anyway, at all but one lot, it didn't take long before a salesman came up to me and ask if he could help. And generally they remained near me, showing me cars they thought I might like. And this is considered normal: very helpful, and sometimes over-helpful car salesmen.

I have discovered that shopping in the Dominican Republic is similar. You walk into a store in the mall (Santiago, is the only place I have been to a mall here) and if they don't greet you at the door, it isn't long before someone is at your side. They may ask to help you, but sometimes they just stand there, waiting until you ask for help or pick an item that you want. This is slightly weird, since I seem to gain a smaller shadow when I walk into a store.

But their helpfulness does not stop there. Once you have selected an item, they will either take it from you and hold it until you decide to pay, or they will go put it up at the counter. If it is clothes, they will find a dressing room for you. Talk about service! I have also experienced this in the fruit market in town. This is the normal service at stores.

I have yet to decide if I see these actions as a service or an annoyance. I think so far it has been the first one. Kind of makes me think that car salesmen aren't as helpful as I thought.

Blogging

2008-04-24T17:33:00.002-05:00

Man, I have gotten bad with keeping up my blog. I have had many things I have wanted to share, but never taken the time to sit and write out my thoughts. And after a bit of thought, I think I know why. When something is important to me, I become a perfectionist. I have plenty of blog ideas, but I want to make sure they are perfect for publishing. And I don't take the time (make or have) to write out my thoughts to my satisfaction. It's sad, really. I'm like this with all my ideas I have which I want to write.

In my opinion, I need to get over this in order to make something of the ideas that I have and satisfy myself. I honestly feel partially incomplete, like I am holding something back which shouldn't be.

With that peek inside of me, I think it is time to move on to some of those things I have been wanting to share but haven't. Get ready for a bunch of blogs in one day! :)

Random Things a Long Time Coming

2008-04-13T20:37:00.003-05:00

Well Lent has come and gone and I guess I got so used to not blogging, since I gave up most internet usage, that I just have not sat down to do this. I am in the process of writing my thoughts on Lent and what I learned, but for now I have a few things I have been meaning to share.

I got a puppy on Feb 16th. Don't ask what kind of dog she is- I don't know. I picked her up when I was horseback riding near the river in town. She's a Domini-dog, aka a mutt. But she is cute :). Her name is Moca Late; it is spelled according to Spanish spelling (it would be Mocha Latte in English). But here is the best part of her name: 'late' in Spanish means "it bites". Therefore her name translated in "Moca bites". Which is so true right now (she's about 4 months old now).

In my classroom there is a white board where the girls can sign out so I know where they are. We also put the date up there each day. Earlier this month, one of the girls wrote the date as such "4+4=8". I thought it was clever. :)

I have a new goal in life (well, maybe not life, but at least for the time I am here): I want to find a perfect apple crisp recipe. I had been wanting some so I found a recipe online and made it. But I didn't like it too much and took up the challenge. If you have any suggestions or recipes, let me know. Oh, and I'm not looking to please a lot of people with this "perfect" recipe. My mouth is the only one I am concerned about.

I think that's all for now. Sometime soon I should have a post about my lessons from Lent.

My last blog for 40 days

2008-02-06T17:25:00.001-05:00

I do not come from a church or family background that has celebrated Lent. In fact, I knew little to nothing about it until about 5 years ago when I moved to northwest Ohio and saw kids coming to school on Ash Wednesday with a black ash cross on their foreheads. I gathered a bit more information from asking my friends about it and hearing what they were giving up. Yet it always felt like a ritual to me, mainly because I did not understand the purpose and had not been raised with the observance. And so, I never gave anything up for forty days.

Until this year. I went to my first Ash Wednesday service this morning on campus and finally got a good explanation for the observation of Lent. Ashes in the Bible represent remorse for personal sin and the recognition of the need to be cleansed on the inside. It is also used to represent the mortality of our lives and how we are nothing more than dust and ashes. In preparing to celebrate Christ's death and resurrection, some Christians humble themselves and recognize their position as sinners who are no more than ashes.

The giving up of something or working intensely on a sin in theirs lives is an act of service to God. It is both an attempt to be cleansed of sin and a recognition that all that we have and do belongs to God. My brother said it so well the other day when he decided to give up something he loves, for more than just 40 days. "I have told God before," he said "that He comes first, even over basketball. Now I get to show Him that I mean that by giving up playing [in college]."

So, with this conversation in mind and the service this morning, I have decided to observe Lent for the first time in my life. I am giving up any unnecessary usage of the internet. Why? Because I know I spent too much time online. It is my default time filler. And I want to replace that time with reading and studying the Bible as well as building relationships with other staff here.

Therefore, this is my last blog for 40 days. I will certainly give an update on Easter. For those of you whom I know and usually communicate with electronically, I will not be using my screen name, but still checking my email. Feel free to ask questions about my decision or hold me accountable.

Surgery

2008-01-31T20:55:00.000-05:00

I have been watching too much Grey’s Anatomy recently. I blame my roommate and a fellow teacher. Though I have to admit, I think it has helped me come up with an analogy for one aspect of my life right now. (Even though I’m sure I could have come up with one some other way- I have a tendency to do that.)

Start with these assumptions: We are made for relationships. We are incomplete without relationships, of which we need a variety.

Imagine that relationships are like surgeries. Without these relationships, the parts of our body are functional, but not optimal. Ask a doctor, and He’ll recommend a surgery to improve your life. And we know that even without talking to a doctor. We seek out certain surgeries and treatments and see a positive change in our life.

(For the sake of time, I will only look at one ‘surgery’ that I am facing, which sparked this analogy. Though, I expect an expansion on this in the future.)

Heart surgery is the worst. At various times in our lives, we go in for surgery on our heart, hoping that this time something will be done to make our heart beat more normally, affecting the rest of our living. I personally have willingly gone in for this surgery a couple times. The first one was a bit unstable throughout and ended quickly, leaving me with a partially open wound and a big scar. However, this is not the one I want to talk about; this one is healing well.

I am currently in surgery. There is work being done. Yet I have gathered hints from the way things are going that my heart will not be repaired fully. It will not beat perfectly after this is over. I trust it will be better than it was after the last one and the wound will be closed with a smaller scar. But it won’t be fully fixed.

So here I lie on the operating table, chest open with my heart in full view, asking myself these questions: Is it worth it to get my heart a bit better when this surgery will not leave me perfect? Is another scar on my heart worth the improvement of unknown magnitude? I think the surgery can be perfected in one time…even two isn’t bad. Nevertheless, each new surgery is more pain and scars.

Is progress, with pain, without perfect, worth it? Can I bear another scar without having a perfect heart?

*please do not think that the perfect I am longing for with each surgery is only possible with God. He is in charge of the soul surgery. That is a one-time surgery, though few opt for that operation.*

Beans, beans, the musical fruit

2008-01-26T09:09:00.000-05:00

The more you eat, the more you toot. Let me tell you, it has been interesting living where the staple food is beans and rice. It's been a bit smelly; around the apartment, the school and the dorm/houses. But beans and rice is good, though I am also enjoying the fruits and chicken.

Except for the chickens in the neighbor's yard. I have gotten used to them enough to be able to sleep through the night now, though it has taken me about a week. And sleep is a good thing, since I have been busy this past week and a half. I have had work, and then welcome dinners, eating in the girls' house and staff events, like going to Santiago or watching Grey's Anatomy.

It is amazing how much thinking and writing and reflecting I have been doing with new things all around me. So many changes and things to get used to. Friends to leave behind and new friends to make. What has been good is that I have been able to make some changes that I wanted to make in my life. That is the joy of new beginnings. That is why New Years is great. With this change, I have been able to read my Bible more, write and reflect more and read more.

I like the changes I have been able to make. Now I just have to hope, as time passes, I will like the changes that have happened around me. It takes time....

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Phil 3:10-14

Leaving on a jet plane...

2008-01-15T22:01:00.000-05:00

...don't know when I'll be back again. The plan is to leave the house at 3am, get to the airport around 5am, flight leaves at 7:30am, arrive in Santiago around 3pm, get to campus around 4:30pm.

Hopefully I have more soon. Now I need to go to bed.

Scared of Growing Up

2008-01-04T14:05:00.000-05:00

Wow, I've done it again. Not blogged for a long period of time while a lot has been going on. I'll blame it on the holidays, being at home and "preparing for the next phase", as I like to call it. I went back a read my last post and was actually surprised at how scared I was of joining a residential program. I must have gotten caught up in the fear of growing up and moving on. I did the same thing my senior year of high school: I considered joining the army because I didn't feel ready to go to college.

But college was where I needed to be and I was more ready than I thought. And now, I am more ready than I thought for a residential program. I know this type of work is where I am called. Running away from it for "personal reasons" is not right. God has made me for this type of work and it is there that He can and will grow and use me. There is nothing to be afraid of. I don't need to be scared of growing up and moving on. Especially when He has proven to be faithful when I follow Him.

I realized that a few weeks ago when I decided to accept an offer with New Horizons Youth Ministries. This is the same ministry I was with for the summer of 2007. But this time, I am headed back to their campus in the Dominican Republic! I am excited, a little nervous, and a little overwhelmed with packing right now.

But mainly excited about growing up!

Scared of What's Next

2007-12-08T22:32:00.000-05:00

Up until Tuesday this past week, I was ready and certain I wanted to go into a residential program for teens as a live-in counselor. But Tuesday, in a conversation with a friend, I realized I am not ready for that. You see, I have been dealing with many personal issues this semester. Actually, dealing is not the right word. I have had personal issues and have not been dealing with them but rather, just pressing on. I have done the school work and job searching that needs to be done, but have not taken the time to work out these personal issues.

In this conversation Tuesday I realized that I cannot keep going on like this. These issues of who I am and who I want to be need to be addressed. And I fear addressing them in a residential program where I will be pushed and pulled and taken apart by the job itself and the kids.

So, just about a week before I graduate, I have to change my view on jobs and the future. My idea is to find an internship in my related area or just some random full time job for the next "semester". Then maybe the same thing for the summer of '08 as I did this past summer. Then go for the residential programs. But I still need to get away. I want to start a new life, finding out who I am and who I want to be. Which leads me to look for these jobs in places like Denver.

But this is all so scary. I have to put my desires and jobs where I feel called to figure things out in my life. And the door for temp jobs seems so large. What am I going to do? I have no direction now! All I want is to get away, get closer to God and learn to be the me I was created to be. It's a whole lot different than what I have been planning.

Senioritis

2007-12-07T00:02:00.000-05:00

Here is one big difference between me in previous semesters and me this semester. It is currently 5 after midnight. I have completed one assignment for tomorrow and am about half way through with the other one. Actually, maybe more than half way, but I still have to type it up (it is currently hand written).

Any other semester, I would have stayed up for another hour or so to finish off the assignment. But this semester, I have been unmotivated and therefore sleep has always sounded more important (and interesting) than staying up for an assignment, even if it costs me a few points.

Actually, it's a funny concept. Rather than stay up late and get little sleep for tomorrow, I am planning on getting sleep, working on the assignment later and turning it in complete and well done. All at the cost of a few points. So the work gets done, it gets done well, and I get sleep. I have completed all of my assignments this semester, some with fewer points because they were late.

I never realized that. I still care about learning and the assignments, but not the grades. Hmm...I'm intrigued now. I'll have to fall asleep tonight analyzing my motives and actions this fall. Ah, the life of a psychology major :).

By the way, tomorrow (I guess technically today) is my last day of undergrad classes!

Channel flipping: Sean Taylor

2007-12-03T15:09:00.000-05:00

I'm going to add to the many other online things about Sean Taylor. But he is not the focus of my post.

I was finished with classes and sitting in front of the TV while I ate my lunch. I didn't expect to find anything worth watching on ESPN news. But as I flipped by, they were broadcasting the funeral of Sean Taylor. I only caught the last bit: pastor David Peay Sr. talking about Taylor and his relationship with him, as well as the most important relationship anyone can have. I did my best to write down quotes, but I fear they will be paraphrases. Loud and clear through, I heard him talk about wealth meaning nothing without a relationship with Jesus and that you should "Just come to know Him before it's too late. You've got to know Him. You've got to have a relationship with Him."

Honestly, it caught me a little off guard to hear the truth and what I believe so clearly stated on TV. But I guess that was the intention. It is the truth and it needs to be told. Even when thousands are sitting there for a funeral. Even when you are being broadcast across the nation on ESPN news. I hope and pray many heard the words of Pastor Peay and will think more about knowing Him.

"Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You. There is not greater thing."

Ha!- 10 days

2007-12-03T00:07:00.000-05:00

I don't know what I was thinking when I said I would blog for 17 days straight. I hope those of you that know me laughed at that about a week ago. See, blogging just isn't my number one "free time" or procrastination activity. But, I will try to come up with something worth taking the time to say for at least 5 of the next 10 days.

Yes- 10 more days! I am so ready to be out of here. I think there are a few reasons. It is just that time in life. I have spent 17 or so years in school learning and after this summer of using my knowledge and gifts, I am ready to do that full time. I am also ready for something different: see different places, get to know different people, experience new things.

Ok, so those are the main reasons. Well, at least the reasons I'm willing to share with the world. :) And here I am, bored already with this post. So, farewell and goodnight.

The car salesmen who doesn't sell

2007-11-28T22:36:00.001-05:00

So, I found my perfect car online. I have been looking to buy a Honda Civic, around a 2001. And I found one online. I call the dealer to see if it still for sale. Yep, but he's taking it to auction. It has been on his lot for some time now and he hasn't been able to sell it (so he says). I cross my fingers it will be there when I go home for Thanksgiving and can check it out.

I guess a miracle happened, because according to one of my friends, when a car goes to auction, it sells. But, when I return home and plan on going to check it out, it is still there. I head up to Toledo with my dad and we call about 45 mins before we get there. Yes, the car is still there and the man is nice enough to give us directions.

We arrive. I car is sitting in the lot. We get out, look it over- maybe been rear-ended and fixed up, but looks good. We go in and ask for the keys to the car.
"The 2002 Honda Civic? I just sold it wholesale online to a dealer in Indiana."
"In Indiana? Where?" (Thinking I could track it down).
"One of the big dealers."
"In Indianapolis?"
"Yes."
My dad pipes up "How long ago did you sell it?"
"About 30 mins ago. Sorry, it was just sitting on my lot for 4 months now and I've got to make money."
We walked out, a little confused and frustrated. "Fine, if he doesn't what to sell the car to me, I don't want to buy it from him."

Something was/is fishy. But I guess it's not my place to know. I have a good story to tell about a user car salesman. And I plan on tracking the car. Currently, it can be found online right here: the same place it has been "for the past four months".

Crazy Times

2007-11-27T21:58:00.000-05:00

Sorry , I have nothing special today. It's been...and interesting day and I have no motivation to write something purposeful here. But since I said I would blog everyday, here's my blog for day 16. I'll leave you with my away message for the night.

"Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way"
~casting crowns

"Tonight I'm so alone
This sorrow takes ahold
Don't leave me here so cold
(Never want to be so cold)
...
Don't leave me alone
Cause I barely see at all
Don't leave me alone, I'm

Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths can I ever go back
Falling inside the black
Falling inside falling inside the black"
~skillet

The 17 days of life at TU

2007-11-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

My countdown chain is shrinking. Including today, there are 17 more days until my last final (December 12th). To commemorate these final 17 days, I am going to blog each day (this also gives me a good excuse to procrastinate since I have a BAD case of senioritis).

Today I guess I'll share just a bit about my thanksgiving. I was able to go home after keeping stats for a rematch of last year's NAIA Women's Elite Eight game with Taylor and Cedarville. But this time the result was a little different.

At home, I just chilled with my family, grandparents and my sister's friend. I got to see my brother for the first time since May and watch him play in two basketball games. I also went car shopping, but that story will be for another day this week. Coming home, I stopped at a friend's apartment for a while and watched Transformers. It is a great movie, but totally for guys! I have got to say, good friends are rare for me to find. And in this case, I think spending time with this friend has re-energized me for the rest of these 17 days.

So, stay tuned for my last 17 days as a Taylor student and the last days of my undergraduate degree!!

One month

2007-11-12T20:09:00.000-05:00

First, it has been one month since my last post. Whoops. I have had a lot going on personally and haven't really had anything worth sharing. But that is not the one month I'm here to talk about.

One month from today, December 12th, at 10am, I will be finished with my undergraduate degree. Now, that is not the official end of the semester, but that is when my last final will be over. As of right now, I have no job options, but I'm still in the process of sending out my resume. I am so ready to be finished. I am so ready to be out on my own, doing what I want to do.

One more month...30 days...19 days of classes...almost there...I think I can make it.

Kristen's Gambit

2007-10-11T11:39:00.000-05:00

This was written about two weeks ago with the intent of sending it to the editor of our school newspaper. After removing about 150 words to fit the 400 word limit, I sent it in and hopefully it will be printed in the Echo tomorrow. Here is the full version. A big thanks to both Jared and Jason, for inspiring me to do something about this issue and helping me find Biblical support.

“When the women saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.” Genesis 3:6

Why was Eve tempted? Why did she take the fruit? First, it was food; a way to satisfy her body’s physical needs. But there were plenty other trees in the garden to eat from. Second, it was pleasing to the eye, possibly more so than the other fruit by the context. This drew her in and kept her attention. Third, she could gain wisdom, something she desired.

So, the first female mind thought this way when tempted: physical need, looks, and personal desire. Was this only in Eve does it remain in all of her daughters? Let’s see: Clothes: not quite a physical need, but almost; “Oh, that’s cute!; I’ll fit in/ stand out.”

Guys: sex drive; “Check out his calves/abs/eyes/arms.”; “I want to be loved and cared for.”

Now, I can’t say which of these three things moved Eve from temptation to sin, nor do I know the reasons behind the other things females seek after. But I do know that all too often we emphasize personal desire, leaving looks behind. It is clear that looks play a role in our decision making process. A big role.

We all know guys deal with visual stimulation when it comes to girls. We’ve read the Echo articles, heard it in youth group, and maybe even formed accountability groups to respond to it. We read passages like Song of Solomon 7:1-9, “How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince's daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands.” And while some of it may be uncomfortable, it doesn’t shock us.

But what about Song of Solomon 5:10-16? What is your reaction to references describing a man’s body, “Like polished ivory decorated with sapphires…” Or legs like “Pillars of marble”? Do you brush it off completely? Do you propose that, despite this passage, a female’s struggle is more emotional than physical? Or do you identify with it but are too afraid to speak up?

I used to be in the last group, until an illustrious* friend of mine challenged me to do something. I don’t presume to know what passes through a guy’s mind when he lusts or what triggers those thoughts, but I know my own experience. And I know well enough that I am not alone among females. We are like Eve… our attention is captured by physical attractiveness, and while we may not be as poetic as the beloved in Song of Solomon, a male’s body is attractive. Just like Eve, we move from temptation to sin when things are “pleasing to the eye.”

Why am I writing this? My purpose is three-fold:

1) For Males – Please be aware of this! I know society says you can be shirtless, but know that females will look, are tempted, and may fall into sin.

2) For Females – Stop hiding! If you don’t share your struggle, it’s easier to justify and harder to fight, and you will feel alone when you are not.

3) For Myself- Stand up and say something! Face the sin in your own life; if it means that much to you, do something about it.

Oh, and finally, to begin discussion instead of letting it be brushed away again. Now go – discuss!

*this friend of mine proofread this and I decided to leave this change of his :)

Computer Shopping

2007-10-08T13:09:00.000-05:00

I need help. I want to buy a laptop for grad school, but don't know what kind to get. I already have a desktop which works just fine, but I want portability. Since I have one PC, I'm kind-of wanting my laptop to be freeware, OS and all. Any ideas on either the laptop itself or the operation system? Any warnings or advise? Thanks!

Words from Wednesday

2007-09-26T23:08:00.000-05:00

My friend (whom I always seem to be referring to) does Wordless Wednesdays. Well, to be different, and because I want to post some of my favorite quote from the book I just finished, I am giving my Words from Wednesday. All are quoted from Paul Faber, by George MacDonald. There are so many more: why don't you go read the book :)

“Lord, I have laid my heart upon Thy alter,
But can not get the wood to burn;
It hardly flares ere it begins to falter,
And to the dark return.

Old sap, or night-fallen dew, has damped the fuel;
In vain my breath would flame provoke;
Yet see--at every poor attempt’s renewal
To Thee ascends the smoke.

’Tis all I have--smoke, failure, foiled endeavor,
Coldness, and doubt, and palsied lack;
Such as I have I send Thee; --perfect Giver,
Send Thou Thy lightning back.”

~~~~~~~~~~

"The Maker of men alone understands His awful mystery between the man and woman. But without it, frightful indeed as are some of its results, assuredly the world He has made would burst its binding rings and fly asunder in shards, leaving His spirit nothing to enter, no time to work His lovely will."

~~~~~~~~~~

”…we are as God made us. --No, I will not say that: I will say, rather, I am as God is making me, and I shall one day be as He has made me.”

~~~~~~~~~~

”Her uncle said sleep was God’s contrivance for giving man the help He could not get into him while he was awake.”

I "mouse goofy"

2007-09-25T15:26:00.000-05:00

(Yes, I am using "mouse" as a verb.)

A little while ago I mentioned that I moved my mouse to the left hand side due to space on my desk. My friend Joanna sent me some articles today where they recommend just that in order to stretch your brain. It helps the two sides of your brain work together more.

As an update, things are going well with the mouse on the left. There are still some things it is a little bit harder to do because of control, but it is getting better. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did not switch the buttons.

Under the sun

2007-09-21T22:58:00.000-05:00

When I set out to write this, I didn't think it would be two pages long nor take me 2 hours. But I had a lot to say, and am decently pleased with how it came out. Please post your comments and reactions to this blog and the article. I don’t claim to know it all or have it all figured out. I invite your criticism to help me grow.

I want to thank my good friend Joanna for her post about this article (which you kind of need to read to understand this). It has given me something to react to as well as bring one of my essay topics into more of an actual essay form. So, I will begin by responding to the article and then add my own words.

Joanna titled her blog well- Legalistic. At first, the idea of keeping all the rules in the Bible for a one year experiment sounded interesting, potentially good, but too easily…legalistic. Then when my eyes read that Jacobs asked “strangers for permission to stone them for adultery”, I began to wonder if this guy really knew the purpose of these rules he was attempting to keep. I recently read through the first few books of the old testament, and learned a lot about the purpose of these laws God gave His people. (*disclaimer- I have had very little formal study on this; this is only based on my understanding, though I don’t think I am far off*) God gave them these laws for a few reasons. Some of them were health reasons- to keep His people alive in a world of little medical and health knowledge. Second- He is a holy God and can not be among unholy people (see Deut. 23:14). So these were ways to keep them holy (including sacrifices for their sins). I think this one relates to the above.

But the main reason I picked up was this: “The LORD will establish you as His holy people…Then all the peoples on the earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you.” (Deut. 28:9-10). It is for His people; they obey, and He will bless. Why? Well, so that He will be known on earth. In short the laws were not just a list of dos and don’ts, or things to carry around with you. You obey and follow for Him, not the laws!

“’Ask not what God can do for you, ask what you can do for God.’” Oh boy, does this man have it all wrong! He claims that this experience has moved him from “agnostic” to “reverent agnostic.” Oh, look what the law can do without a relationship with the true God who commands it all! This has been an issue on my mind lately, ever since reading “Thomas Wingfold” by George MacDonald. There is Being behind those laws. And they are a way to relate and know Him. It’s not about the laws- it’s about Him. You aren’t doing anything for God, well, unless you call building a relationship with Him “doing something.” Even then, it’s not really for His sake, though He does long for the relationship. Oh, but at its core it is not about doing. That comes second. (no this is not in contradiction to my last post. The works come when as we know the God who calls us to them.)

“The Bible affected every single part of my life…” as it should! But with what purpose? If it only makes you a better person and only gives you a better life, its purpose is incomplete. The Bible affects your life now, as well as your spirit and therefore eternal life. And even more than that, it gives you a chance to meet the One who loves you and made you. It’s like a chance to meet the once anonymous donor who gave you billions of dollars just because he cares.

I must say, I love the story about the old man in the park who asked him what he was doing. This “man in his 70s” nearly offered to be stoned for being an adulterer. Yet, before Jacobs could throw a pebble at him, this man threw one at Jacobs. “an eye for an eye” is what Jacobs thought. “How often did Jacobs offer other people to punish him when he sinned?” is what I wondered. And what definition of “adultery” was Jacobs using?

"Cafeteria religion…It’s all about picking the right parts. You want to take a heaping serving of the parts about compassion, mercy, and gratefulness- instead of the parts about hatred and intolerance." Why, I ask? Why do you get to decide what you choose to "eat"? Why not ask the Ruler-Maker? Oh yeah, He’s not important, only the rules are. Again, lacking the main purpose of it all- a relationship!

I recognize that Jacobs did not come at this from the perspective of a believer trying to please his God. He just wanted to try it. So, for the sake of trying it out to see what it is like and how easy/ difficult it is, that’s fine. It annoys me, though (and I hope rightfully so) that people tend to view the Bible as just that: a book with rules that are both difficult and sometimes rewarding. There is so much more that gets missed. Is it their fault for not seeing the bigger picture- or is it ours (believers)? Are we presenting the Bible for what it really is? Are we presenting Christianity for what it really is? We say it all the time: “it’s a relationship, not a religion.” But do we live that? Do YOU know the Man who took your sins? Are you trying to build the relationship, not your faith? Is the Son of Man really a man to you? Do I really know Jesus?

”Perhaps I could help you a little if you were really set out to find Jesus, but you must yourself set out. It is you who must find him. Words of mine, as the voice of one crying in the wilderness, may let you know that one is near who thinks he sees him, but it is you who must search, and you who must find. If you do search, you will find, with or without help of mine.” (MacDonald, pg 510) Lamentations 3:24-26
Jeremiah 29:11-14
Zephaniah 2:3
Matthew 7:7-11

What I believe: Doing, not hearing

2007-09-20T19:47:00.000-05:00

This is my first participation in any thing like this. Thanks, Beth, for hosting this! I have many things that I could write, yet I fear it is hard to choose since none of them are all that well formed. If I even get time, I would love to form these into nice little essays. Maybe when I graduate.

But today I want to share just the outlines of one of my ideas, inspired by George MacDonald. I have fallen in love with his work since last fall, and have really been enjoying my class where we read and discuss his books (and G.K. Chesterton). One of his main issues in his books is well put, simply, in a Rich Mullins song "Faith without works is like a song you can't sing, It's about as useless as a screen door on a submarine." James also states this issue: "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." And in MacDonald's own words: "It is better to be an atheist who does the will of God, than a so-called Christian who does not." "But the more familiar one becomes with any religious system, while yet the conscience and will are unawakened and obedience has not begun, the harder it is to enter into the kingdom of heaven."

What does it mean to be a Christian? I know what it means to be saved: confess Jesus as Lord and believe He was raised. But to be a Christian- we must have obedience, we must have actions to match our faith. What example are we setting? Is this really only about beliefs, and not a changed life? I hope none of this is new to all you believers out there. You know that a life should be different now that you do believe.

But if we can truly make this a part of our lives, we become part of something amazing: God's will. And it is this will that brings others to Him, that brings Him glory, and how we can be who He is making us to be. We need to be different, not only in beliefs, but in actions too. That is what I believe!

Now acting on this, ah yes, that is the problem. I have a belief on that too: we are selfish. But that's another topic in progress, for another day

"And it won't break my heart to say goodbye"

2007-09-19T22:10:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my friend, I was made aware that ten years ago today Rich Mullins left this world. While I don't remember where I was when I heard the news, I know it affected me greatly. I had been listening to Christian music for only about 2 years prior to that, but I had such a liking for Rich and his music that his death had an impact on me.

I loved the music, including the dulcimer in many of his songs (the intro to "Sing Your Praise to the Lord" has to be the greatest). And his lyrics- they have been the cries of my heart to God many times. My favorite song has to be "Hold Me Jesus."

And I will echo my friend's sentiments- he would have been a great man to know. Maybe I'll go read a biography of him...my faith is in need of strengthening.

My countdown

2007-09-19T21:25:00.000-05:00

So, on Sunday I didn't feel like doing homework (kind of like now). I felt like being a first grader. You remember how in elementary school, your class would make a paper chain to countdown the days until the Christmas or the end of school? Well, I made one to count down the days until I am finished with my last final and my undergraduate degree.

Yes, the different colors do mean something. The purple and yellow (TU's colors) alternate for the days of classes I have left. The orange days are weekend and breaks. I am a visual person, so this is a nice way to see how much longer I have at TU.

I am almost done and ready to be out of here...maybe more on that sentiment in a later post.

Futbol is still futbol

2007-09-11T21:38:00.000-05:00

My first blog ever was three years ago yesterday. It was about soccer- the love of my life. That was inspired by doing stats for the TU men's soccer team; today I was reminded of the beauty of soccer while doing stats.

My soccer day actually started at 9am went I went to work out and the TVs in the Well had the Women's World Cup on. So while I ran, I got to watch Sweden take on Nigeria. Also on another TV was England/ Japan. In the time I was there, I got to see three goals scored. And by the time I got back to my apartment, I got to see Japan score in the 94th minute. While I'm not a big fan of women's soccer, it was fun to watch.

After classes, I went out, on a beautiful sunny afternoon, to do men's stats. I was quickly reminded of the poem I wrote on here 3 years ago; something about soccer strikes a chord in me. I mentioned in my poem that soccer is an art, not a sport. I saw this more clearly as I compared working stats for other teams with my boss. Baseball is honestly boring. While it is all stats, that's about all it is. Football is alright, but the athleticism comes only in short little bursts. Basketball is great, but you have to watch the game differently to take stats.

All of those sports have many stats to record and can be analyzed fairly well by just looking at the numbers. Now don't get me wrong, the numbers don't tell you just how hard that home run was hit, or just how he dodged all those tackles, or just how sweet that dunk and assist were, but the numbers pretty much tell the game.

Soccer- soccer has few stats. You can sit back and watch the game, taking a bit of time to record shots or corners or fouls. And if you are looking to improve and coach, you might record wins and losses on the ball. But soccer truly is an art. Every touch of the ball, every control, every leading pass- each one is beautiful when you watch a good team.

And so, three years and one day later, I still believe the same thing- "This isn't a sport: this is an art."

Cooking like a Canadian

2007-09-10T19:40:00.000-05:00

Following the footsteps of my dear friend Joanna, I am posting about my first meal made for a group of people. Having worked in Canada this summer, I got to taste a popular dish: poutine. It can be simple or complex, but for my roommates, I took the easy way out.

One bag of frozen french fries, one bag of mozzarella cheese, two packets of gravy. Cook the french fries, make the gravy and then layer: french fries, cheese, gravy. With warm gravy, the cheese will melt. I also made green beans as a veggie. Nothing fancy, but I wanted to share! Thanks to Joanna for the inspiration of this post, the Bergs, who put this on our menu this summer, and my roommates who were willing to try a new dish.

Sunday Evening Sermon

2007-09-09T20:56:00.000-05:00

I mentioned "Thomas Wingfold" by George MacDonald yesterday, I would like to share a sermon that the curate Wingfold shared with his congregation during his search to find what he really believed. Click here to read it all.

"The church wherein you now listen, my hearers, the pulpit wherein I now speak, stand here from of old in the name of Christianity. What is Christianity? I know but one definition, the analysis of which, if the thing in question be a truth, must be the joyous labour of every devout heart to all eternity. For Christianity does not mean what you think or what I think concerning Christ, but what is of Christ. My Christianity, if ever I come to have any, will be what of Christ is in me; your Christianity now is what of Christ is in you...I have, alas, with blameful and appalling thoughtlessness I subscribed my name, as a believer, to the Articles of the Church of England, with no better reason than that I was unaware of any dissent therefrom, and have been ordained one of her ministers...As one standing on the outskirts of a listening Galilean crowd, a word comes now and then to my hungry ears and hungrier heart: I turn and tell it again to you--not that ye have not heard it also, but that I may stir you up to ask yourselves: 'Do I then obey this word? Have I ever, have I once sought to obey it? Am I a pupil of Jesus? Am I a Christian?' Hear then of his words. For me, they fill my heart with doubt and dismay.

"The Lord says: Love your enemies. Sayest thou, It is impossible? Then dost thou mock the word of him who said, I am the Truth, and has no part in him. Sayest thou, Alas, I cannot? Thou sayest true, I doubt not. But hast thou tried whether he who made will not increase the strength put forth to obey him?

"The Lord says: Be ye perfect. Dost thou then aim after perfection, or dost thou excuse thy wilful short-comings, and say, To err is human--nor hopest that it may also be found human to grow divine? Then ask thyself, for thou hast good cause, whether thou hast any part in him.

"The Lord said, Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth. My part is not now to preach against the love of money, but to ask you: Are you laying up for yourselves treasures on earth? As to what the command means, the honest heart and the dishonest must each settle in his own way; but if your heart condemn you, what I have to say is, Call not yourselves Christians, but consider whether you ought not to become disciples indeed. No doubt you can instance this, that, and the other man who does as you do, and of whom yet no man dreams of questioning the Christianity: it matters not a hair; all that goes but to say that you are pagans together. Do not mistake me: I judge you not. I but ask you, as mouthpiece most unworthy of that Christianity in the name of which this building stands and we are met therein, to judge your own selves by the words of its founder.
...
"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. He will none but those who with him do the will of the Father."

MacDonald, George (1996). Thomas Wingfold, curate. Whitethorn, CA: Johannesen.

Control Freak

2007-09-08T18:48:00.000-05:00

“God this endless Being decides it all for us... we dont make choices that he hasn't already planned out for us... we dont make choices that even matter... He decided it all already... He tells us what to think what to eat when to sleep”

I don’t understand this feeling…I don’t grasp it. And it hurts me that my friend feels this way about his life: the helplessness and hopelessness which comes out in his everyday actions. I doubt that my words will even do anything or mean anything to him, if he even reads this, but I feel it needs to be said.

My view: God knows the future and what will happen in 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, 1000 years. He knows the facts of what will be. But this is not the result solely of God’s discretion. Without going into too much theology, the future was written into time at the creation, which includes the choices of sinful humans.

It is almost as if there are two futures. One that will be and one that would be if God did exercise complete control over us. His future is one of light burdens and easy yokes (Matt 11:30). His ideal is that no one would perish eternally (2 Peter 3:9). That is what life would be like if He had His way with our lives as was expressed above.

But as another one of my friends said, there are certainly things I have done which I know were NOT God’s plan. How often does life push us from Him? How often are our burdens beyond what we can carry? Life, the future, while known by God, is not controlled by Him. So what is His role? Helpless observer up in heaven going “Shoot, she messed up again! Oh, and look, she’s going to do it again. Yep, her future is not in my plan- she’s worthless.” NO- NO-NO!

“If there be a God…then all is well, for certainly he would not give being to such a woman, and than throw her aside as a failure and forget her. It is strange to see, though, how he permits his work to be thwarted. To be the perfect God notwithstanding, he must be able to turn the very thwarting to higher furtherance.” Thomas Wingfold by George MacDonald*. This turning of the thwarting may not be in your life, but in some other life, who has been willing to let God lead them. That is how God reaches in to change and control the future- where He has been invited in.

But I also believe that God can use you when you don’t allow Him to directly. He has created this world and has made it so that some choices are more beneficial to the individual as well as His plan for salvation and redemption. In our own selfishness, we may make these choices, in line with His best plan, without that as our main motivation.

So what? What does it matter? Your choices are your own to make. You get to control where your life goes and what happens. But all your choices boil down to one basic choice- to follow your own plan or God’s. Yes, they may align sometimes, against your will likely. When you give Him control, He will use you and your life for His plan. And while you may not have handed that to Him directly, He has come in because you have chosen an action in line with His plan.

I don’t have this all figured out. I’m sure many theologians would contest some of my thoughts, as well as others just like me. But this is my belief, and it works for me. And I can only pray that God will lead you to a place where you can say the same thing: I don’t know it all, I don’t need to, but I will accept what does make sense and walk on in faith from there. It’s a big step, but it is possible with Him. He is the cure for colorblindness, but that is for another blog another time- this one is quite long as it is.

Please, your thoughts and reactions are requested! Just do it with a helpful, humble spirit.

*If you have not read George MacDonald, I highly recommend him. I have only read a few of his fairy tales and some of his novels, but if you enjoy C.S. Lewis, you will love MacDonald (he inspired Lewis). The novel this comes from is a great tale of a young curate’s journey to find out if he really believes what he has preached in front of so many. More from this novel later.

Middle name thing

2007-09-08T10:43:00.000-05:00

Watch out for a flood of blogs, as I have had many thoughts on my mind and, now that it is the weekend, have plenty of time to process them and blog them. And to add to my own thoughts, I have now been tagged. So I’ll start there.

The Rules:

You have to post the rules before you give the facts.
You must list one fact that is relevant to your life for each letter in your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name then use a name that you like.
When you are tagged you must write a post containing your own middle name game facts.
At the end of your post you must tag one person for each letter in your middle name.
Don’t forget to comment them telling that they are tagged and to read your post to get the rules.

M- moving. I have moved 4 times in my life, due to my dad’s job at Marathon Petroleum. Hardest move- half way through high school from Houston to Northwest Ohio.
I- imaginary friend. When I lived in Colorado, I had an imaginary friend named Ado (hmm, where could I have possibly come up with that name?). I don’t remember anything else about her.
C- computer science. My first major at college, until I decided to follow my heart to help people into psychology.
H- Hocus Pocus. This is a confession. In 3^rd grade I watched this movie over at my friend’s when I spent the night. I wasn’t allowed to watch it at home. Sorry mom and dad.
E- elephants. I have an elephant ring that I bought in Florida over spring break freshman year.
L- liquid nitrogen. Ah, memories of my dad, a chemist, coming to my elementary classes and showing off cool tricks with liquid nitrogen (a racquetball in LN2 breaks into many pieces when you throw it to the ground).
L- letters. Following the practices of my cousin, I have saved all personal letters for the past years. Honestly, it’s not that many, thanks to the internet.
E- Ephesians 3:14-21. My favorite prayer for others in the Bible.

Wow, that was a whole lot harder than I expected. And now to tag 8 others….hmmm. This is tough too. I don’t want to tag those that already got it….hmmm. Got nobody, sorry.

Left- handed?

2007-09-06T21:23:00.000-05:00

So, I was sitting in my research in psychology class and I think we were talking about paradigms and accepting things just because they have always been that way and my prof mentioned the computer mouse being on the right hand side of the keyboard. "Why is it on the right hand side? Yes, most people are right handed, but if you used your left hand, that would leave your right hand to do other things."

Good point, though a little different, I thought at the time. But then I got to thinking about it. My current desk situation is not the greatest. Pretty much I have no room for my mouse on the right hand side. I was turning my keyboard to the side in order to use my mouse. So, inspired by my teacher, I decided to try the mouse on the left hand side.

It actually hasn't been too bad. Using a mouse does not require much coordination and therefore it has actually worked pretty well. I have not seen the advantage as of yet to having my right hand free, but it is a much better set up on my desk.

Just thought I'd share :-D. (my keyboard has to go there since it would be offset due to drawers on the left)

I didn't realize

2007-08-29T16:39:00.001-05:00

I didn't realize when you said "Goodbye."
you meant "So long, forever."

I didn't realize when you said "I'll write."
you meant "I'll probably be too scared and not contact you."

I didn't realize when you said "Here's my number- call me."
you meant "I want to leave the summer behind me; I may not answer or respond."

I didn't realize when you said "We will still be friends."
you meant it.

Disclaimer: This post is based on truth but written with somewhat of a poetic liberty. While specific people are referenced, the interpretation is my internal take on the situation.

A question

2007-08-29T14:01:00.000-05:00

Why does it always seem like every time a situation causes me to say "I CAN'T do it!", God responds with "Watch me!"

Online Quizes

2007-08-27T21:17:00.000-05:00

These are from quizzes that I saw posted on two of my friends' blogs.

58%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Mingle² - Dating Site

I am a little shocked that I scored this high. Maybe because I read blogs and I am slowly blogging more. Now I have more computer access and more things to blog about.

Which Chronicles of Narnia character are you most like?
created with QuizFarm.com

Maybe this is why I love her quotes more than any other person in the book series. I'll have to share them sometime. Interestingly, I got 73% for Mrs Beaver (in second place) and 63% for Aslan (third). Can I take that as a good thing since he represents a Christ-like character?

And stuck at home

2007-08-22T18:57:00.000-05:00

I was stuck somewhere else today- my home. My city has weather level emergencies and today we were on level 3- "no one should be out during these conditions unless it is absolutely necessary to travel...Those traveling on the roadways may subject themselves to arrest." In case you have not seen the news today, my town of Findlay, OH has made headlines for flooding, due to heavy rains and a rising river.

My family has received a few calls from relatives to make sure we are alright. So for all of you wondering, we are fine- our neighborhood streets did get some flooding yesterday, but we are fine today. Our basement has also survived, which is better than some in our neighborhood.

Stuck in between

2007-08-22T16:44:00.001-05:00

Behind me is a summer of trials and growth, being strong from some in their weakness and leaning on the strength of others in my weakness, and both giving and receiving.

Ahead is a semester of fun and fights, work and play, and planning for a future while finishing up the present.

But for 10 days, I have nothing; no real life. The days pass by as I don't want to close up the past and I don't want to get ready to continue on.

The door behind is nearly shut, so I slide my fragile fingers in the way to try and pry it open again. But they are getting hurt, pinched, nearly bleeding. But if only I could get it open! That room was so great- ALL of it.

The door ahead is heavy but beautiful. Only a lovely room can be behind it, but it will take some work to open it fully and walk all the way in.

Stuck in the hallway- between days, between rooms.

Stuck in a camera

2007-08-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

11.5 weeks, (3)7 students, 3(2) staff, a dozen km, Millions of memories. All stuck in that camera.

And my mind. But it will slowly fade from there. And all that will remain is the pictures. The weeks are in the past, the kids will move beyond, the staff will return to their previous interests, the km will be lost on a map and the memories will become stories. Stories Envoking no emotion, retaining none of the growth or lessons. Facts...Just facts will remain.

Captured events, faces, places- stuck in a camera.

My summer is Stuck in a camera.

It was great at the time, but life moves on. One Day, one room...

Why does it all have to stay stuck in a camera?!?!

Facelift

2007-08-18T22:07:00.000-05:00

Yes, I have decided to make a shift in my blog, thanks mainly to two friends from this summer. I will explain shortly the idea behind the new title and theme of my blog and then leave you with a "glimpse behind the mask".

8/3- We HAVE to hide- people can't be trusted with who I am.
If they reject my mask, that is not me. But if they reject me- OUCH!
But if they can't see the art in me, that is their fault. I know it is there.
I will show me, finding my worth in the art and the Artist, not the viewers.
Do we REALLY need to hide? What if I were to give glimpses behind my mask...?

This deserves a BIG thanks!

2007-07-31T16:48:00.000-05:00

So, I have been very busy this summer. Even on my weekly uses of the internet, I usually just check my email and Facebook. Only occasionally do I check blogs. Well, I finally did, and found this and this on my friend's blog.

Joanna- Thank you!!!

It is great to get the award, considering how little I blog ("when she does blog" :-) ). And her recognition for what I am doing this summer is much appreiciated. It has been a stressful and growing summer. There are times where I feel the counseling of the kids is the easiest part because God is growing me in so many other ways. Hopefully when I get home I will be able to process most of what went on this summer and share it with you.

But for now, I could use your prayers. There are about 10 more days left and things are getting stressful- leaving the kids, leaving the staff, preparing for one more semester of school.

I have been writing a lot of random thoughts this summer, so I will leave you with my lastest musings:

I'm not falling yet
but I look down and the net to catch me is different
I have jumped off this cliff before
but the net is new
I fear it won't hold
but You wouldn't do that to me
he told me just jump
...ok, fine, here....I....go....
"Ahhhhh!"
falling with faith

My cup overflows

2007-07-03T13:34:00.000-05:00

It is amazing and strange how God works. There are many times when I have to try so hard to see what He is teaching me and open my eyes to the lessons I am learning. But never, until now, have I been so overwhelmed with lessons to be learned. I can't keep up at all. This summer has brought the opportunity for so much growth- too much.

I expected to learn about myself as well as how to relate to and counsel these kids this summer. But now there are many things that are wearing on my being. Well, maybe not wearing...just using. There is the care that I have for just about each of the students here. And the fact that I can't do all that much for many of them; just small relationships are all I can give. Then there is the expected learning about counseling. Add to that the processing of what I believe and new knowledge about who I am and how I was created. And top it off with relationship issues, including two different guy friends and trying to work out relationships with the females here.

There is too much. There are too many things that I could be learning and gathering, but I can't take it all in. It's like trying to drink all of the water being poured into my glass, but it just keeps coming. So I drink faster, but then the water doesn't satisfy and makes me sick.
"God, give me a bigger cup to catch all of these lessons!"
"You don't need a bigger cup. What you have is fine."
"You mean that it's ok not to gather it all in?"
"Yes, just remember what you can, and don't worry about the rest."

Wow, this summer is SOOO much more than learning how to counsel and helping kids. I am being challenged on so many levels. And I love it! "Thank you, God. Help me to learn what You want to me to get."

Last full day in the USA

2007-05-23T12:00:00.000-05:00

Yes, today is my last full day in the states. Tomorrow at 6pm I will board a bus and head up to camp in Missanabie, Ontario, Canada (a little bit north of Wawa on the map). Training will continue for another week before camp actually starts. I can't believe it is almost here.

I'm trying to have as few expectations as possible, since some of the things I already assumed are wrong. But I am excited to see how God will use and grow me this summer. I found my theme verse a few weeks ago in church. "Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5. I feel so incompetent and unable to face the job ahead of me. But I know God has called me here and placed me here for His plan. He is the one that will help me and He is the one that will be doing my job.

It is with this confidence that I am excited for this summer. If you would like to receive email updates, leave a note with your email address and I'll add you to my list. Bye for now!

Becoming nocturnal...and other things

2007-05-10T03:52:00.000-05:00

A few late ISD nights have turned me into a creature of the night. I stayed awake for near 24 hours, slept about 5-6 hours during the day, and looks like I'm staying up all night again (it's 4:50a and we are leaving for breakfast in one hour, before we present). And the crazy thing is that I'm awake. Yes, maybe a little sleepy and definitely lacking proper cognitive functioning, but overall, I feel alright.

I fear that tomorrow I will want to sleep during the day and stay up all night to get my homework done. So, in order to get my body out of this cycle (which it got into quickly), I plan to take maybe an hour nap in the day, stay awake and do homework, then go to bed around 10pm. Hopefully this works.

Now, onto other things. Since I'm not sleepy, I decided to check my friends' away messages. 6 of the 27 on have no away message up- no fun! 6 have some sort of message about being asleep. 5 have some general "away" message. 6 range from "grr... >:O" to "I'm performing a science experiment...Can I write an 8-10 page research paper in one night? We'll find out...ready...GO!!!"

And 4 have a some sort of quote. There's Hebrews 12:11, a Walt Whitman quote, a Steven Curtis Chapman song...and the last few lines of this poem.

In looking for it online, I saw it on many inspirational and "healing for women" sites. I'm not sure what I think about the whole poem, but I must say I like the lines that my friend selected for her away message.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth. And you learn... and you learn with every goodbye... you learn...

That's where I am in life. I don't need someone to bring me flowers- I know that God has already planted His own flowers in the garden of my soul. Cheesy, I know, but it is 5:15 in the morning...

Freeze

2007-05-09T07:08:00.000-05:00

Well, the code is now frozen. No more updates can be made to the application. We still have some DB changes and cleaning to do, but after 23 hours awake and 19 hours of working on ISD, I am going to bed. Goodnight!

Escape...

2007-05-03T11:19:00.000-05:00

I have escaped the dungeon and am headed to the baseball game...shhhh- don't tell the guards!!

Law and Order: ISD vs Kristen Sutton

2007-04-30T10:48:00.000-05:00

"In the case of ISD vs Kristen Sutton, on the charges of procrastination, how do you find the defendant?"
"We find the defendant guilty."

"On the charges of lack of proper planning, how do you find the defendant?"
"We find the defendant guilty."

"On charges of poor time management, how do you find the defendant?"
"We find the defendant guilty."

"Miss Sutton, I sentence you to the dungeon until 2am, the morning of Wednesday the 9th of May. You are not allowed to leave the dungeon except for the following: when the dungeon is closed, which is when you are allowed to sleep, to eat, to attend classes, to work, for small group and church. Is that clear?"
"Yes, sir. But I have a floor meeting tonight at 10pm."
"Very well then, your sentence will being immediately following this floor meeting."
"Thank you, sir."

"Case closed."

good vs bad

2007-04-27T23:29:00.000-05:00

I just want to confirm that what they say about one or two bad things off-setting numerous good things is true. Within the past 4 hours, about 9-10 good things have happened to me- mainly seeing or talking to friends. But one or two bad things have ruined the night. Now granted, those bad things just happened to be the blocks that caused the tower to fall, but still, what started out as a great night, with a long list of good things, was upset by a much shorter list of bad things.

It's a good thing I'm going to Indy tomorrow.....

4.26.06- one year later

2007-04-26T22:56:00.000-05:00

I feel I should blog today. I haven't, due to being busy and, honestly, not really wanting to. I have had a lot to say, but I guess have just forgotten about blogging. I don't have Joanna reminding me to. She is, after all, to "blame" for this blog.

One year ago right now, I was sitting in the chapel by a few friends, watery eyes, as I heard the names of those pronounced dead in the TU car accident. I had only heard of the names, but didn't know the people. I spent the next hour or so going around to my friends, giving out hugs and being there for them. This year, I have done something similar; I have joined others in their grief and loss. It was good to be in chapel Wednesday, when we had a short slide show of their lives and brief remembrance. Tonight we had a full remembrance service, looking "forward from the event and at the lives of our friends. The remembrances will focus on legacy." There was singing, scripture reading, and 10 stories of the five lives.

This day does not hold much pain or hurt for me, but I know it does for others, so I have joined them and been there as support. My thoughts of today have been two fold. The first is the weird, great feeling of knowing that the faces that I saw around campus a little over a year ago are now seeing the face of God and are with Him in heaven. It is a mix of sadness that they are no longer here, joy that they are there, and jealousy that they are out of this world and with our Father. Secondly, their legacies are all about lives off love, for God and others. Those are the things that are remembered. That, after all, is the greatest commandment: to love God and others.

If that is the greatest commandment, should that not be the one thing we strive for more than any other? Not reading our Bible, not being involved, not even bringing glory to God. Yes, all of those things come out of this, but the one thing, the only thing we should be reaching for in life is to love God. That will allow us to love others. To get there, we must spend time in the Word, in the process we will become involved in the body of Christ, and as a result, we will bring God glory. But our focus is clear: Love God with all of our hearts, soul and mind!

And so, I am back into blogging...

I have been busy

2007-03-18T16:28:00.000-05:00

For about the past month now I have had very little free time. And what free time I have is in short, 20-30 minute breaks. I have been running all over with classes, work and other activities. Here is an overview of what I have been up to (and what has kept me from blogging).

Classes- I have been working on a variety of projects. I have had to write my reasons for wanting to be a counselor and my counseling theory. I have worked on a design for a web-based database system and finished the project plan for this group assignment. There have been a couple of programming assignments to understand computer networks.

Work- Basketball stats finished up at the end of Feb. and baseball started last week. The nice thing is that there are a bunch of people to help me this year with baseball and softball. I have also started to do peer tutoring through our library. I have two people for a class I took in the fall and two for the intro to computer programming class I took my first semester here at Taylor. That has been interesting.

Job searching-I have had one on campus interview and a phone interview with Advent Group Ministries. I have yet to finish an online application. That job would be with the group home treatment as a live-in staff. There have also been three interviews with New Horizons Youth Ministries and one phone survey. I am applying for the group leader position for the Canada summer camp. SO far, both look positive and I'm not sure I have a preference.

Lacrosse-Practice is three-four days a week for about an hour. Our first game was against Western KY down in Bowling Green, KY on Feb 24th. We drove down on Friday, spent the night at a girl's cabin in TN and came back on Saturday. That game was a W. Last weekend we traveled to U. of Illinois, where we played Ball State, Augustana, and Oakland. We beat Ball State and Augustana, and lost a close, tough game to Oakland. We were very pleased.

Taylor Activities-Let's see, there was a concert with The Never, "The Best 12 Songs of the 60's and 70s", by Dr. Jim Spiegel, "The Fourth Dimension and C.S. Lewis" by the C.S. Lewis & Friends group and Relational Enrichment Week, with Dr. John Coe. And then there was our hall's broomball pick-a-date, followed (for me) with a Brian Regan performance the next day, with a couple of friends.

Family-

my grandfather

Well, I think that about sums it up. Now I must run to dinner, do some homework and then head to Spring Break Trip meeting to Daytona Beach. I went last year and am very excited about this year. Take care, y'all, now that you are caught up on my life!

My (rough) worldview

2007-02-16T20:57:00.000-05:00

Please thank Dr. Case at TU and Senior Seminar for this post. This is a rough version. If you have questions, comments, or challenges on my view, please leave there here!

So, I never know how to begin when I talk about my world view. I guess I’ll break it down into some questions I think are important. There is so much more that can go here that I believe, but I will just give a brief, simple overview. And there are even things that I have yet to work out.

Where did we come from?
This world and everything in it was created by God. He is still active in keeping everything together. He has set things in motion with laws (gravity, etc) He created, but He can and does break them to show us who He is. He has individually created each person and is active in their lives. He created everyone for relationships, both with others and Himself.

What are we?
Makeup- body and spirit
Nature- born with a desire to sin, due to the sin of Adam & Eve
Living (my basic counseling view)- I believe we have a God given personality which determines a range of behaviors that are likely. We are able to choose what we do with that personality. How you deal with the person God made you is how you live your life.
Eternity- when our body dies, the spirit lives on, either in heaven or hell

What is our purpose?
We are alive to bring praise and honor to God. We are created to love Him and others. But we have been given the ability to choose what we do with our lives.

How do find knowledge/truth (if there is any)?
There is truth about ourselves and this world and the God who created it. It is impossible to know all the truth that there may be due to our limited minds compared to the Creator. But we can find out about things in a variety of ways: the Bible, science, introspection, etc. My view of their relationship is that the each of these can fit together to reveal truth, but our interpretation of any of these may be flawed and therefore cause discrepancies. The Bible does not automatically trump all others, but God’s revealing (in the correct interpretation) is greater than any knowledge humans can find.

Right and Wrong?
There is a right and wrong in this world and it operates similar to the laws of nature God put in place. The morals and values were set in place based on the character of God, not His command or His pleasure. I believe humans have some part, if not all, of this law “encoded” in them from birth (the only way it would not be in entirety would be due to sin). We can discover the law more completely from the Bible and, since it comes from God’s character, the more we learn about God.

What about multiple worldviews?
Because there is one truth about this world, there is one right view. I believe each worldview is flawed in some sense because we cannot know everything nor can we know it perfectly (two reasons: our sin nature effecting our mental ability and our naturally limited mind). All worldviews are an attempt to grasp the one truth and some are closer than others.

So, what’s important?
There are a few truths which I believe can be understood enough to keep us striving in the right direction. There is a Personal Perfect Creator God. We (humans) have sinned and cannot be involved with this God. But since this is why we are created, God created a “way out”; some One to take the penalty of sin, allowing us to be involved with this God. Accept this and strive to know more, and you have the key of Truth and will live in heaven when you die.

Super Bowl XLI

2007-02-04T22:48:00.000-05:00

As promised, my views on the Super Bowl of 2007. First off, no Super Bowl in recent years has captured my interest like the 32nd and 33rd Super Bowl. I may live near Indianapolis for school, but they are still not my team.

My stance with the game was this: I don't care about either team that much, therefore whoever I rooted for was not based on personal preference. The next choice is based on what is good for the game. Both coaches were African Americans, a first for the NFL, but this doesn't help choose a team. So, I looked at who had won the Super Bowl in the past and who hadn't in the longest time. Now, this takes a history lesson on the NFL: the Colts have been in Indy for 20 years, and they moved from Baltimore. Well, the Colts have never won in Indy, but won in Baltimore in '71. The Bears, on the other hand, won in '86. So, I decided to root for the Colts. But more than anything I wanted a good game- darn rain ruined that.

But they brought home a Super Bowl win to Indy and the Colts team repeated what they did with Baltimore down in Miami in '71. And the first words out of the owner's mouth after he was presented the Lombardi trophy were a pleasant surprise to me. He said that their thoughts and prayers were with those involved with the deadly tornadoes in Florida earlier this month. And then other phrases which were refreshing to hear. While there was a lot of "shining glory" they gave "it all to God." My favorite had to be Coach Dungy, and his pride in "doing it the Lord's way." What a testament to the truth of God's word and the person of Christ!

Check out my pictures in my Picasa web album of the viewing in my dorm.

My thoughts on Prayer

2007-01-31T21:58:00.000-05:00

Congrats Joanna- you got me to blog for the first time in a few weeks. She blogged about the Colts. I do not intend to reveal my loyalties about the game, though I may after the game is finished. What I intend to do is respond to her question about praying for the outcome of the game. I knew it would get too long if I just left a comment, so I am devoting a whole blog to it. Plus, I have been wanted to write about this topic and now I have motivation.

To preface, these are just my thoughts about prayer as I have experienced in my life. They have not been checked against scripture for their validity. But as I see it, there are 3 different types of communication we can have with God. First, we can talk to Him. This is simply conversing with Him as you would a friend: sharing the events of the day, your emotions and reactions to those events. This also includes statements about your desires, dislikes, and other emotions. These treat God as a friend who cares and is listening to anything you care to say.

Secondly is what I'll call a request. This is where the conversation shifts from being solely a friendship and introduces the idea that God is the Creator and Giver who cares for you and can act in your life. Here you ask things of God that you would like, with the knowledge that He is able to meet your request.

Lastly we have what I'll officially call prayer. While I have not looked up the scriptures, I believe this is supported as a conversation in which you trust fully in God's power and know that He will give you what you ask. Note the difference between what I call prayer and a request. A request acknowledges that God can do what you ask and a prayer acknowledges that God will do what you have asked.

But how is prayer even possible; do we ever know for certain that God will do as we ask? While I don't want to open up this new topic, I will say that I have been led by God to pray certain things which I fully believe He will grant, if I am willing to pray for them as He leads. A prayer is, therefore, not selfish. You know that God will grant the prayer when it is for His glory, in line with His plan, presented humbly. So a prayer is always answered in the way we asked? If it meets the requirements I listed above, yes.

I have often found that prayers require surrendering my own desires for what I know is God's desire. Prayers are hard to say, since they may not be what you want to ask of God. Requests are the desires you have and, knowing God has the power, you ask of Him. This DOES NOT make requests any less important, though I believe prayers are the mark of a mature Christian.

My conversations tend to have all three of these elements: I start by talking about my life in general and God tends to reveal to me what His will is. I then pray for those things, with a humble heart. But I always add my requests. He loves me for who I am, and while He is making me into His image, He knows I still have my own desires. I share those with Him; I ask Him for those things that I want. But I always end something like this: "God, this (my prayer) is what I want and I know You will do. I want it because You want it. But these things (my requests), Lord, are the things that I want. Grant them if You wish, but thank you for granting my prayers."

Wow, this is a long road to get to the answer (do you even remember the question?). I think we can ask God to bring about a certain outcome for the game, as long as we realize this is only a request: a question posed to God not because He will do it, but because He can. Oh, and He does care about these types of things (listen to Dr. Spiegel's idea on this).

Soccer in America

2007-01-11T20:15:00.000-05:00

This is the biggest event in American sports for many years. Bigger than AI's trade to the Nuggets (even though I'm a Nuggets fan). Bigger than King James's success in the NBA. Bigger than Barry Bonds (and all those other guys) using steroids. Bigger than the Trojan's championships. Yes, ladies (though you may not care as much) and gentlemen...David Beckham is coming to America to play in the MLS. He may not be the greatest in the football world, but he certainly is up high on the list. He has played for two of the greats in the world: Manchester United and Real Madrid. And now, he wants to grace the LA Galaxy with his presence.

How much does the world care about this big event? Well, I took a look at some of the major online news sites from America, Britian, and Spain to see what they thought. Here is the breakdown (sites viewed at around 9pm, about 10 hours after the announcement):

ESPN: the main story on the front page with various articles, predictions and polls
Sports Illustrated: listed under "top stories" on the side; also a link to photos and featured in the "poll position"

CNN: tiny blurb about halfway down on the left

Fox News: tiny blurb at the bottom under "features and faces" to see pictures of Beckham and his ex-Spice Girl wife
Fox News Sports: the main story, including predictions and reactions

BBC news: one of four side stories- links to sports page
BBC news sports: Beckham dominates this page- all of the main stories are about him

El Mundo: link to a few stories related to Beckham and the move; second main story on the sports page
Madrid Press: I'm not sure if these are listed in order of publication, but there is an article at the bottom about Beckham leaving Real Madrid; once again the second story from the sports page

I'm not sure I have a point other than looking at how a few parts of the world respond to this move. Personally, I am excited and will be sure to catch a game where Beckham is playing!!

Instant Noodles

2007-01-07T22:04:00.000-05:00

Today should be declared a day of mourning for college students and we should all observe a moment of silence. Why, you might ask? What did I miss in the world? Today the inventor of the instant noodle died. I never thought much or cared about instant noodles or the inventor until today (though I have eaten my share of instant ramen). This man did a great thing for the people of the world post WWII- he created a cheep food which was easy to make.

Take a moment and check out a bit more about Momofuku Ando and learn a bit about the origin of a food I'm sure you have eaten.

The Diamond- a parable

2006-12-28T14:26:00.000-05:00

There was once a diamond. Like most diamonds, this one was cut to reflect the light that hit it into various colorful beams. Each of these colorful beams of light was important to the diamond- each lit a path that the diamond could follow. Generally the diamond knew which path it would take. After briefly considering the various colors, it chose the path lit by the green light, for green was its favorite color. These choices of which path to take were always fairly easy for the diamond. Many times, as the light shone through it, there was a green beam of light to follow. While the decision was more difficult if no green was reflected, those times were very rare.

The most difficult time for the diamond came not with the absence of a green beam, but rather the presence of a new green beam. As the light shone through the diamond, it prepared to follow the green beam it expected to appear. But in place of the normal green light was a bolder, richer, crisper green beam. The beam of light was so much more real than the green the diamond was used to. Suddenly it was scared. It wanted to follow the path lit by this beam, but it was so new and different. 'Maybe another color would be better this time.'

See, the diamond knew that this beam of green light could not be produced from the way it was cut. There was something else inside or outside of the diamond that was making this beam. 'What if it disappears once I start down that path? I don't want to follow that green and then lose it. What if I am not able to follow that path? Afterall, I didn't produce that beam; I may not have what it takes to walk that path.'

And then it all made sense to the diamond. As long as it kept whatever it was that produced the beam, the diamond would be able to walk the path and follow it as long as was necessary. And so, with that thought in mind, the diamond proceeded to follow the path lit by the real green light.

What is your favorite color? What drives the decisions you make in life? When you filter the ligth of past experiences, what paths do you see? Which one do you choose?

Has God ever stepped into your life and given you a new path to walk- one that matches your usual desire, but many times the intensity? Have you ever been scared to take that path because of the unknown yet wanted to take it because it was so much more real?

Take God with you along that path- He will guide you and give you the strength as you follow the desire He has given you.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T16:43:00.000-05:00

Wow, this just feels really weird. Why, you may ask? Well, mainly because it is warm and we have had pretty much no snow this whole winter season. Now, as soon as I say that, I realize I lived 7 years in Texas, where it was always warm around Christmas. But to tell you the truth, I never did get used to it. I love the snow; not driving or walking in it, but its beauty. (To all my family and friends in Denver, I understand there are times where there is too much for it to be pretty) Right now it is 43 degrees here and tomorrow should be 42 with a chance of rain- now that is too warm for Christmas!

But there is another reason I can't believe it is Christmas Eve- it is just another day. Now, sure, there is a decorated tree in our living room with wrapped presents under it. Our fridge is stuffed with cookies and stollen and Christmas music is being played in our house all the time. But it is just another Monday in my life.

I am just not a person who gets into the holidays- the "spirit", the celebrations, and the importance. I know that this holiday has great meaning to all people, whether they acknowledge it or not. It is amazing that God would come down to earth, to be one of us. But I just don't get the whole idea of a special day of celebration. Is there something wrong with me?? I do not hate the season or am against it in any way. I just don't jump on the bandwagon of the whole thing.

That does not mean I can't wish you a Merry Christmas- have a great time with family and friends and please, take some time to yourself, read the Christmas story and thank God for His great gift to us.

Public Photos!

2006-12-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

At the encouraging of a friend, I gave Picasa another try and have now put pictures up for everyone to see. Go check them out!

Christmas = Xmas

2006-12-03T00:06:00.000-05:00

I felt it was a good idea to address this topic, since Christmas is approaching. So many times I have heard people say "Don't take Christ out of Christmas" when they see someone write "Xmas". But have you ever stopped to wonder where the term "Xmas" came from? Normally we use "X" to refer to "cross", such as laX = lacrosse. But why replace "Christ" with "X" to define the holiday? It doesn't make sense.

And there's a reason it doesn't. "X" was not originally used to refer to "cross", but Christ. It has something to do with the Greek spelling of Christ and the abbreviation for that. And here is where I pass you off to wikipedia. You can continue to read about the origin of Xmas. Also, check out this BBC article about this same thing.

I hope you are now enlightened and can now enjoy the holiday, whether we call it Christmas or Xmas

Prayer Request

2006-11-29T00:28:00.000-05:00

Tonight I bring you all a prayer request of a good friend of mine. A good friend of his, David, has a sister who is really sick. She has a weak immune system and has recently had a tough physical attack. There is uncertainty about how long she will live. Please keep her, David and their family in your prayers.

"I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth"
~Casting Crowns, Praise You in the Storm

November 19

2006-11-19T19:41:00.000-05:00

Why, I do believe it is snowing! Nothing like the first snow of the year to reenergize all of the stressed out college students. The flakes fall and the students are drawn outside, only to become little kids again. There are squeals of delight, tongues stretched out to catch a flake or two and cold, bare hands gathering up the collected snow off cars to throw at someone.

It doesn't last long, but just enough to give them a break from their work and have fun, enjoying the simple things in life.

The trees are alive

2006-11-16T22:23:00.000-05:00

I walked out of the building into the cold, misty darkness. But the first thing that I noticed was none of those things; it was the noise that met my ears. From a distance it sounded like the constant crashing of the waves in the ocean, but in Upland, IN I knew better. As I walked closer to a grove of tress, I realized it was the sound of hundreds of birds, all constantly chirping. In the darkness I couldn't see the birds, but I knew the trees must be brimming. All around me, from every cove of trees, this persistent rush of sounds could be heard.

All of a sudden the noise changed from chirping to the flapping of wings. Above my head I hear the sound of the birds relocating and can barely make out their dark figures against the slight glow of the night sky. They settle and rejoin in the chirping that envelops the campus.

What an odd event- the cold night air filled with the sounds of hundreds of unseen birds. Eerie, mystical, intriguing. The cool, wet air against your skin, the glow of the lights in the misty sky meeting your eyes, and the distinct cry of numerous birds overtaking your ears.

A Look into My Journal

2006-10-28T23:28:00.001-05:00

I welcome you into the depths of my thoughts and soul. I plan on hiding little to nothing- this is the way it would appear in my journal. This has no preparation in writing and is pretty much steam of thought- without much direction.

How much like God should we be? What do we, humans, have the capacity to imitate? What all does "made in His image" entail? The point of my questions- God is patient beyond reason and full of forgiveness to those that are truly repentant. Are we called to be the same- patient even in hurt and forgiving even in personal pain?

God is love and love never fails, is patient and keeps no record of wrong (1 john 4:16, 1 cor. 13:4-8). This love has forgiven even the worst of sinners (luke 23:39-43, 1 tim. 1:15-16). And sin is a direct attack on God; a direct hurt to Him. It effects Him personally. Yet He is patient and forgives.

Can humans do the same? Are we called this as we become like Christ?

I can't get him out of my thoughts, heart and prayers. I want to wait until God has made him more like Himself. I want to forgive him. I want to show him love. But he has hurt me deep. And culture tells me to forget him- he hurt me, so let him go. And this pain- maybe it would be easier to just leave it all in the past.

And so here lies my dilemma- something inside of me drives me to patience and forgiveness while another part desires bitterness and dismissal. Can I be like God and be patient? "Oh, but He doesn't hurt the way I do. I have every right to give up on him. God can forgive because He isn't as hurt" Bologna!! God is hurt so much more than I am! Yet He remains loving.

Is it possible for me to do the same? Should I do the same? Or as a human, I cannot be patient enough and must move on? Oh God, what do You want me to do?!

My Desire

2006-10-12T16:08:00.000-05:00

First off, I want to say I love intrapersonal psychology. It's a great class I think everyone should take, but if you can't, read the book I have to read for class.

Today we talked about how humans long for relationships and this desire God uses to draw us to Him. He is the only one who can eternally satisfy the desires we have in this life.

So this got me thinking about my desires. The past few months have opened my eyes to a desire I never knew I had. My recent relationship with a guy and the subsequent end to the relationship made me aware of one of my greatest desires for a human relationship.

I want to care for someone. I want to serve someone. I want to submit to someone. I want to love someone (see 1 Cor 13 for the definition of this love I am talking about). Now, I do want to be loved as well, but more than that, I want to love. I want to give of myself for someone else.

And how does this desire relate to God? Well, while I do hope and pray I can love for life a man, I should also be seeking to love God. What if these desires in me are not just for a man, but for my Maker and Lord? What if I were not so caught up with loving another on earth, but directed that desire toward God?

I believe that this should be the focus of my desire: strip it down to my simple desire to love someone, don't add the human answer to fill the blank with a man, and learn to fall in love with God.

Must read book

2006-09-26T13:55:00.000-05:00

I have found a "textbook" that is a must read for EVERYONE! Ok, so it's not a textbook, but it is required for one of my classes. This short 76 page book is amazing, and I'm only 30 pages in. The book: Understanding Who You Are, by Dr. Larry Crabb.

Now I know many of you will just shrug this off as a "psycho babble book" but I pray you do not. It is amazing how much this "psycho babble" is actually true, if you are willing to admit it. This is somewhat of a self-help book, but the only part our "self" does is realize our need for God.

I hope in the next few days, as I read more of the book, I can share some of the key points that have hit close to home for me. But I really want you to read it yourself. So much so that if you promise to read it, I will buy it for you. Seriously- leave a comment or send me an email and I'll send you a copy. Or you can be lazy and just read my comments on it.

My goal is slightly to help you in your life, but I pray the your relationship with God, wherever it may be right now, can grow. That is what I pray for myself as I read the book.

So go get the book! or let me know and I'll get it for you!

Trials, part 2

2006-09-19T10:10:00.000-05:00

It is so funny how, in this life, the things of God seem so unstable in our lives. The peace of God, the faith we have in Him and His will, and our love for Him, all tend to come and go, sometimes on a daily basis. Yesterday when I posted, I felt God's comfort and love so strongly. Yet today, when my situation changes a bit, the pain comes rushing back in and finding that comfort and peace is hard.

It is such a struggle to live constantly in God in this world. We are humans, and not to use that as an excuse, but there are so many things that keep us from the things of God. There is this sinful world and our desires for things of this earth.

But one thing I can say, no matter how strong the pain gets or how many tears come to my eyes, I know that God is still there. I may not be able to feel Him as closely and the anger may outweight the comfort, but He is still there. And that's what makes me different than others. Look beyond the pain and hurt and the emotions inside of me right now and you will see this: a firm foundation which is God- His love, comfort, peace and....Him, the I AM.

That is what keeps me going, though the pain remains. He keeps His promises; He never leaves; He is the one I should hold on to!

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
to you that for refuge to Jesus have fled?

When trials come

2006-09-18T22:25:00.000-05:00

I have had a crazy past few weeks, emotionally. It has been a rollercoaster of amazing highs and terrible lows. I have felt so pleased and also cried more than ever. There have been pains I didn't expect. While I wish it all could have gone differently,
i have found a peace in the pain
i have found a hope in shattered dreams
i have found a strength in my weakness
i have found God here with me- and i'm not letting go!

There is something I have learned in all of this (actually many things, but for now I'll just share one) and that is how to view troubles, trials and pain. As much as we (and our parents for us) hope for a perfect, painfree life, that is never going to happen. First, we live in a sinful world. Second, we are sinful creatures. There is a lot we can do to screw up our own lives. Sometimes this is on purpose and other times we don't realize it- both times generally blinded by temporary pleasures.

But God can also be the cause of these trials. Hebrews 12:7 says "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" It is through these hard times, even if created by ourselves, that God can grow us to be more like Him. (Hebrews 12:10-11)

So what do we do when the dreams we have of a perfect life fall apart? First, cling to God. There you can find peace and comfort and joy, despite the pain. Second, take a look at the situation, with God and other believers you are close to, and see what happened. Was this your fault? Was it the sinful world's? Was it God's way to grow you? Third, be open to learn whatever God has to teach you, so that you can become more like Him.

In no way am I saying that this will make everything easier. What it will do is help you to carry on and not be overcome with the pain. For me, I continue to play "what if..." situations in my head and feel the pain. But I know that this is where God wants me and He is using this to make me more like Him. I have found God here with me and I am not letting go!!

To Whom it may Concern

2006-09-09T22:31:00.000-05:00

Truths about the Christian life:
~~God created you and loves you (Psalm 139:13-16, 1 John 4:10)
~~God hates sin (Romans 1:18-19)
~~God grants forgiveness, but not exemption from consequences (Numbers 14:20-23)
~~A changed life doesn't happen in one instant (2 Peter 1:3-9)
~~When things get tough, we are not allowed to quit (Hebrews 10:35-36)
~~God's plan prevails

Ephesians 1:3-8, 11-13
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight.

In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and willÂ to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding...

In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation."

Question of the Day

2006-08-14T22:08:00.000-05:00

Can you miss someone that you have never met, but only talked to online or by phone?

A lesson in waiting

2006-08-08T22:52:00.000-05:00

Wait- To remain or rest in expectation
Well, the expectation fits me right, but the "rest in"- not so much. To me, that sounds too much like contentment with the expectation; which is sadly not where I am.

Everyone wants to love and be loved in return (sounds like a movie theme :-P), but I never imagined it would turn out like this for me. There are days I doubt it is real, days I'm worried it won't be as I hope, and days I'm not sure it's worth it. But there are also days that I know God is there and know this is somehow a part of His plan.

But waiting is the only way to tell what is to become of this. Waiting is the only way to know what God has in store. Waiting is the only way to know if it will thrive or die.

In the meantime, I don't know if I want to wait- I want to know it all now or just live on my own until the waiting period is over. I hate the waiting; the uncertainty, the fear of shattered hopes.

A quote out of Lemony Snicket's 8th book of the Series of Unfortunate Events hit me hard. I know he in no way meant it as I read it, but God did: "I do not know how butterflies get out of their cocoons without damaging their wings." I don't know how God will unfold the events in my life, but I know that at the right time, they will unfold, undamaged and as He desires, in a way that will bring glory to His name. I'm not sure how much comfort that will bring to me in my confused state of waiting, but I will cling to that, and to Him.

(sorry if this got a bit...random and crazy- it turned into more of a journal than a blog)

My name for God

2006-06-30T19:24:00.000-05:00

I have always enjoyed the variety of names given to God in the Bible. The major characterists of God are given names: LORD, God, Abba, Adonai, Jesus and King. With each name, we get a better understanding, or a new understanding, for who this being is. He is beyond all that we know or could imagine, but the names help us to relate to Him for who He is: King, God, Abba. Check out some of the following links about God's names:

List and meanings

God has a name

Names in Old Testament

Whole Bible

Common names

My favorite name for God has always been I AM (or LORD; Exodus 3:14-15). That name means so much more than we can comprehend- God is. One name that I love to call God has been Daddy. I now have a new name that I enjoy to call God: Rey-papa.

It comes from George MacDonald's writings where the princesses call their father king-papa. I liked the mix of majesty and power that comes with the king, yet he is still their papa. I translated king into Spanish and got Rey.

I have found that using this name when talking to God makes me feel like a child; the eight year old Irene from "The Princess and the Goblin", by MacDonald. I can approach God as a child, as it should be. Rey-papa, this is all for You!

A desire of my life

2006-06-16T19:55:00.000-05:00

"I don't want to mean something to everyone, just everything to someone."

I read that quote a few years ago and it never sat too well with me. Yes, one day I hope to mean everything to someone (well, not everything, but a lot), but I want to mean something to my other friends, in the meantime and while I'm with that special person.

Today I realized a better quote to fit my life: I want to know I mean something to those that mean something to me. I think that is why I enjoyed my friend's wedding this summer, which I was honored to be in. While I may not know how to show it, this friend has meant so much to me in the three years I have known her. From a spiritual leader and support, to a voice of reason when my head is in the clouds, she has been one amazing friend. Being a bridesmaid in her wedding let me know that I too mean something to her.

This is one of my desires in life: to know that I mean something to those that mean something to me. I know I may struggle with letting people know how much they mean to me: it is hard to express those feelings and if you can, it can be scary. But I hope that I will do my best to convey how much I care about those around me and how grateful I am from the things they have done for me, no matter how big or small.

Quotes from Pilgrim's Regress

2006-06-15T20:26:00.000-05:00

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from C. S. Lewis' book- The Pilgrims' Regress, which I have been reading.

"But I can tell you only what you know. I can bring things out of the dark part of your mind into the light part of it." -Reason to John

"Because the Landlord is the thing you have been most afraid of all your life. I do not say that any theory should be accepted because it is disagreeable, but if any should, then belief in the Landlord should be accepted first." -Reason to John

"He whom I bow to only knows to whom I bow
When I attempt the ineffable name, murmuring Thou;
...
And all men in their praying, self-deceiving, address
One that is not (so saith that old rebuke) unless
Thou, of mere grace, appropriate, and to thee divert.
Men's arrows, all at hazard aimed, beyond desert.
Take not, oh Lord, our literal sense, but in thy great,
Unbroken speech our halting metaphor translate." -song of John

"If thou think for me what I cannot think, if thou
Desire for me what I
Cannot desire..."" -song of John

"...and that though the best thing is to have, the next best is to want, and the worst of all is not to want." -the Guide to John

"Even the wanting, though it is pain too, is more precious than anything else we experience. -John

How well do I know you?

2006-06-12T21:41:00.000-05:00

**This was taken out of my journal from 6-6-06. There are a few edits.**

I'm pretty certain that this will not come out with the clarity and the passion that the idea originally caused driving to Indy June 2. Yet I love the analogy so much that I have to write it. I was talking to God about my internet relationship with a new friend and trying to understand how I couldn't say I like him and yet I sort-of do. My conclusions are as follows.

Getting to know someone online or by letters (not in person) is like getting to know a mold of that person. The more you know about a person on paper, the more holes and details you fill in for the mold. But you haven’t had the chance to see the living version of the mold- the creation that is formed when the mold is poured with flesh. When you, in your mind, create that person, you take the mold of information and pour flesh into it. The 3D creation will come out of the mold with pieces missing and undefined parts. This is because the mold is incomplete. As humans, we don’t like incomplete people, so we will fill in the holes as we wish them to be. This mold person in our mind will be different than the real person. The more you know about the person, the better your mold is and the more your feelings for the mold will continue when you know the actual person.

It is impossible to like this mold any more than you life inanimate objects. You can’t love the mold, but you can enjoy the mold, just as you enjoy flowers, and the mold can make you smile, like a beautiful day can. But you can like and love a person. So, how connected are these two: the mold and the person? It all depends on how you know about the person, which is represented in your mold.

As I was talking to God about all of this, He seemed to ask me "What about me? Does this work for me?" We have never seen God as the disciples did, but we can create a mold from their accounts, other accounts in the Bible and our own interactions with Him. The more we read and learn about Him, the better our idea of Him will match reality. But the greatest problem is out mold creation. We are used to pouring flesh into molds and filling in gaps with flesh. God is not flesh. Therefore, our mold creation will never be like Him if we pour flesh into our mold. But what do we pour in?-- a spiritual, Godly essence, which we know little about. Therefore, no matter how good out mold is, we still lack an understanding of the matter to pour in. We will always see dimly, as if in a mirror, while we live on this earth. But one day, we will see face to face! (1 Cor. 13:12)

Body of believers

2006-05-06T01:02:00.000-05:00

Am I not called to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to live Godly lives? Am I not told to address areas of sin or causing of sin in lives of fellow believers? Am I not expected to help a part of the body to live for Christ?

What if the part doesn't listen? What if the part doesn't see the need to change? What if the part doesn't see the potential for glorifying God even more?

How much should I challenge the part? How much should I let God mold the part? What am I supposed to do?

Stewardship

2006-04-17T22:44:00.000-05:00

As followers of Christ, we are called to be good stewards of the things God has given us. The ones we hear talked about the most are money and time. But what about us- who we are, our personality and are character. God made us each unique. If we do not live according to that, are we not also bad stewards? If we deny an aspect of our character or seek a different personality, are we not bad stewards?
Seek to be the person who God created you to be- be a steward of you.

ps- news and stories of Daytona Beach spring break trip will be posted when I find the time in my busy schedule.

Twenty-one

2006-03-08T21:29:00.000-05:00

I turned 21 yesterday. I still don't believe it. I don't feel 21, I don't think I act 21, I don't deserve to be 21. And yet, I am. I had a great weekend and birthday and wanted to share my extended birthday experience.

The first of the celebrations came Saturday when my parents came down for my birthday. Our first order of business was to drive back over the border to Ohio for me to get a new driver's license. We then went out to lunch and came back to school to open presents. They didn't stay too long, but it was good to see them. My favorite present of theirs- either the hair straightener, the Calvin and Hobbes comic book or the earrings.

On Monday, I got my present from my grandma. Now she had called me earlier to ask what I wanted, so I knew I was getting "The Count of Monte Christo" but she also included a box of dark chocolates!!

Then came Tuesday. My friend worked for me in the dining commons so I didn't have to. It was a beautiful morning, full of sun, some warmth and birds singing. I had little homework to do and got to watch a movie and a half ("Shop Around the Corner" - I love James Stewart, and "Good Will Hunting"). My mom called and I got to talk to her, so did my grandma and my brother. I received a few cards from girls on the floor and a sign on the bathroom door wishing me happy birthday.

I think the most interesting thing of the day were the 40 e-mails I got from Facebook informing me that "_____ _____ has written on your wall." All were notes wishing me happy birthday. Some were funny, some were encouraging; there were some from people had not talked to in a while and it was nice to hear from them. And there were a few from people I have not talked to in years. I'll admit, I added them as friends to have more friends or because I used to be friends with them and have lost contact. I found it quite interesting that these people I have had no contact with in forever were wishing me a happy birthday. Look what Facebook has done to our lives....

So, in all, it was a good, memorable birthday. I has continued today, as my grandparents who forgot to call yesterday called me tonight. 21 years....wow!