A lesson in waiting

Wait- To remain or rest in expectation
Well, the expectation fits me right, but the "rest in"- not so much. To me, that sounds too much like contentment with the expectation; which is sadly not where I am.

Everyone wants to love and be loved in return (sounds like a movie theme :-P), but I never imagined it would turn out like this for me. There are days I doubt it is real, days I'm worried it won't be as I hope, and days I'm not sure it's worth it. But there are also days that I know God is there and know this is somehow a part of His plan.

But waiting is the only way to tell what is to become of this. Waiting is the only way to know what God has in store. Waiting is the only way to know if it will thrive or die.

In the meantime, I don't know if I want to wait- I want to know it all now or just live on my own until the waiting period is over. I hate the waiting; the uncertainty, the fear of shattered hopes.

A quote out of Lemony Snicket's 8th book of the Series of Unfortunate Events hit me hard. I know he in no way meant it as I read it, but God did: "I do not know how butterflies get out of their cocoons without damaging their wings." I don't know how God will unfold the events in my life, but I know that at the right time, they will unfold, undamaged and as He desires, in a way that will bring glory to His name. I'm not sure how much comfort that will bring to me in my confused state of waiting, but I will cling to that, and to Him.

(sorry if this got a bit...random and crazy- it turned into more of a journal than a blog)