Surgery

I have been watching too much Grey’s Anatomy recently. I blame my roommate and a fellow teacher. Though I have to admit, I think it has helped me come up with an analogy for one aspect of my life right now. (Even though I’m sure I could have come up with one some other way- I have a tendency to do that.)

Start with these assumptions: We are made for relationships. We are incomplete without relationships, of which we need a variety.

Imagine that relationships are like surgeries. Without these relationships, the parts of our body are functional, but not optimal. Ask a doctor, and He’ll recommend a surgery to improve your life. And we know that even without talking to a doctor. We seek out certain surgeries and treatments and see a positive change in our life.

(For the sake of time, I will only look at one ‘surgery’ that I am facing, which sparked this analogy. Though, I expect an expansion on this in the future.)

Heart surgery is the worst. At various times in our lives, we go in for surgery on our heart, hoping that this time something will be done to make our heart beat more normally, affecting the rest of our living. I personally have willingly gone in for this surgery a couple times. The first one was a bit unstable throughout and ended quickly, leaving me with a partially open wound and a big scar. However, this is not the one I want to talk about; this one is healing well.

I am currently in surgery. There is work being done. Yet I have gathered hints from the way things are going that my heart will not be repaired fully. It will not beat perfectly after this is over. I trust it will be better than it was after the last one and the wound will be closed with a smaller scar. But it won’t be fully fixed.

So here I lie on the operating table, chest open with my heart in full view, asking myself these questions: Is it worth it to get my heart a bit better when this surgery will not leave me perfect? Is another scar on my heart worth the improvement of unknown magnitude? I think the surgery can be perfected in one time…even two isn’t bad. Nevertheless, each new surgery is more pain and scars.

Is progress, with pain, without perfect, worth it? Can I bear another scar without having a perfect heart?

*please do not think that the perfect I am longing for with each surgery is only possible with God. He is in charge of the soul surgery. That is a one-time surgery, though few opt for that operation.*

Beans, beans, the musical fruit

The more you eat, the more you toot. Let me tell you, it has been interesting living where the staple food is beans and rice. It's been a bit smelly; around the apartment, the school and the dorm/houses. But beans and rice is good, though I am also enjoying the fruits and chicken.

Except for the chickens in the neighbor's yard. I have gotten used to them enough to be able to sleep through the night now, though it has taken me about a week. And sleep is a good thing, since I have been busy this past week and a half. I have had work, and then welcome dinners, eating in the girls' house and staff events, like going to Santiago or watching Grey's Anatomy.

It is amazing how much thinking and writing and reflecting I have been doing with new things all around me. So many changes and things to get used to. Friends to leave behind and new friends to make. What has been good is that I have been able to make some changes that I wanted to make in my life. That is the joy of new beginnings. That is why New Years is great. With this change, I have been able to read my Bible more, write and reflect more and read more.

I like the changes I have been able to make. Now I just have to hope, as time passes, I will like the changes that have happened around me. It takes time....

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Phil 3:10-14

Leaving on a jet plane...

...don't know when I'll be back again. The plan is to leave the house at 3am, get to the airport around 5am, flight leaves at 7:30am, arrive in Santiago around 3pm, get to campus around 4:30pm.

Hopefully I have more soon. Now I need to go to bed.

Scared of Growing Up

Wow, I've done it again. Not blogged for a long period of time while a lot has been going on. I'll blame it on the holidays, being at home and "preparing for the next phase", as I like to call it. I went back a read my last post and was actually surprised at how scared I was of joining a residential program. I must have gotten caught up in the fear of growing up and moving on. I did the same thing my senior year of high school: I considered joining the army because I didn't feel ready to go to college.

But college was where I needed to be and I was more ready than I thought. And now, I am more ready than I thought for a residential program. I know this type of work is where I am called. Running away from it for "personal reasons" is not right. God has made me for this type of work and it is there that He can and will grow and use me. There is nothing to be afraid of. I don't need to be scared of growing up and moving on. Especially when He has proven to be faithful when I follow Him.

I realized that a few weeks ago when I decided to accept an offer with New Horizons Youth Ministries. This is the same ministry I was with for the summer of 2007. But this time, I am headed back to their campus in the Dominican Republic! I am excited, a little nervous, and a little overwhelmed with packing right now.

But mainly excited about growing up!