A Look into My Journal

I welcome you into the depths of my thoughts and soul. I plan on hiding little to nothing- this is the way it would appear in my journal. This has no preparation in writing and is pretty much steam of thought- without much direction.

How much like God should we be? What do we, humans, have the capacity to imitate? What all does "made in His image" entail? The point of my questions- God is patient beyond reason and full of forgiveness to those that are truly repentant. Are we called to be the same- patient even in hurt and forgiving even in personal pain?

God is love and love never fails, is patient and keeps no record of wrong (1 john 4:16, 1 cor. 13:4-8). This love has forgiven even the worst of sinners (luke 23:39-43, 1 tim. 1:15-16). And sin is a direct attack on God; a direct hurt to Him. It effects Him personally. Yet He is patient and forgives.

Can humans do the same? Are we called this as we become like Christ?

I can't get him out of my thoughts, heart and prayers. I want to wait until God has made him more like Himself. I want to forgive him. I want to show him love. But he has hurt me deep. And culture tells me to forget him- he hurt me, so let him go. And this pain- maybe it would be easier to just leave it all in the past.

And so here lies my dilemma- something inside of me drives me to patience and forgiveness while another part desires bitterness and dismissal. Can I be like God and be patient? "Oh, but He doesn't hurt the way I do. I have every right to give up on him. God can forgive because He isn't as hurt" Bologna!! God is hurt so much more than I am! Yet He remains loving.

Is it possible for me to do the same? Should I do the same? Or as a human, I cannot be patient enough and must move on? Oh God, what do You want me to do?!

My Desire

First off, I want to say I love intrapersonal psychology. It's a great class I think everyone should take, but if you can't, read the book I have to read for class.

Today we talked about how humans long for relationships and this desire God uses to draw us to Him. He is the only one who can eternally satisfy the desires we have in this life.

So this got me thinking about my desires. The past few months have opened my eyes to a desire I never knew I had. My recent relationship with a guy and the subsequent end to the relationship made me aware of one of my greatest desires for a human relationship.

I want to care for someone. I want to serve someone. I want to submit to someone. I want to love someone (see 1 Cor 13 for the definition of this love I am talking about). Now, I do want to be loved as well, but more than that, I want to love. I want to give of myself for someone else.

And how does this desire relate to God? Well, while I do hope and pray I can love for life a man, I should also be seeking to love God. What if these desires in me are not just for a man, but for my Maker and Lord? What if I were not so caught up with loving another on earth, but directed that desire toward God?

I believe that this should be the focus of my desire: strip it down to my simple desire to love someone, don't add the human answer to fill the blank with a man, and learn to fall in love with God.