Carrots

I am standing in my kitchen, making a side dish for a birthday party tomorrow, with the rain pouring down outside. And I'm not in the greatest of moods. I am reflecting on things that I don't like about my life right now.

I don't like the rain. The rain flows in the streets and sidewalks and overflows into the good water supply for the town. Therefore, with lots of rain, we lose water in the apartment. No flushing the toilet (I have to force-flush it), no way to wash hands, cook, and shower. And my puppy doesn't like going in the wet grass and the rain. Therefore I get messes inside to clean up. I think that's all for the rain.

I don't have a way to transport myself. Ok, so I can walk, but groceries get heavy walking back home. And I could get a concho (motorbike-taxi). But I want my own transportation; I want a bit more independence.

I have nowhere to go to relax. At college I had plenty of places, indoors and out. However, here there are a few problems. The couch in our apt. sucks. It is a dinky little love seat thing with very uncomfortable cushions. I have tried the roof of the building, but that does no good in the rain. And I know no place in town to go. Plus, that gets back to the transportation issue.

I am in a job I was not hired for, have a degree for, nor want. All I have is the promise of a new position which fits those previous three requirements, sometime in the future.

And with all this stress, I have no one close enough to support me. I have no one here to hold the pieces when I fall apart. I have no one to re-energize me when all of these things drain me.

The only chord holding all the pieces which make up my messed up chandelier together is the ever-thinning knowledge that this is where God wants me. This is where I should be. As for why, I have no idea.

Carrots are ready...back to cooking.

Reflections on Lent

I know this is a little bit after the end of Lent. And no, I did not do it to see how my 40 days without things effected my usual life, though that did happen. To begin, here is what I gave up for Lent and my reasoning for giving it up.

1. Non-Christian music: When I get in certain moods (pity, regret, selfish), there are certain non-Christian songs that I listen to to stay in that mood. I know that is not beneficial for me, so I only listened to Christian music for Lent.

2. Unnecessary internet usage: This included mainly instant messenger and facebook and really left me with only email, news (but not for long) and things for school (ie Bible Gateway). I needed this since I spend so much time online rather than reading or my quiet time. I did allow myself to “break” this on Sundays.

And here are the lessons I learned.

1. What I listen to really does effect how I feel and act. My 40 days of only Christian music was beneficial and did help me to maintain a positive attitude. I could not keep myself in those negative moods, which helped me overall. Two weeks later, I have avoided resorting to these types of songs at the times when I would normally have listened to them. Yay for gaining some self-control!

2. It is so easy to replace one distraction for another. Right as I gave up internet usage, I got hooked on Grey's Anatomy. It took going through the season and having nothing else to take up my time before I began to spend my time reading, both novels and the Bible. After I “ran out” of a distraction, I was able to make reading a part of my normal routine.

3. I don't like Facebook. I know one friend who will be pleased with that conclusion. I realized that it is so artificial and that I want real communication with friends and family. Not some way-too-multi-purpose social network. Oh, and I really don't need to know all the little things going on with all my many “friends.”

4. I struggle about being intentional about maintaining friendships. Without constant instant messenger, I found myself talking to my friends and family less. It was tough, because I wanted to, but was not used to using email as my main communication. I've also found that I really do like instant messenger, but have changed from using it all the time to just using it for real conversations with friend (as opposed to reading away messages or 'chatting').

5. Overall, growing closer to God is more than just giving up things. It is way too easy to replace with other things that still keep us from Him. Or we end up giving up things that He may not mind us having. It is not about the things that we do or don't do, but our heart and whether or not it truly beats for Him.

Car Salesmen and Dominican Shopping

I have been to many car lots in the last 2 years or so. I was searching for the perfect car. Anyway, at all but one lot, it didn't take long before a salesman came up to me and ask if he could help. And generally they remained near me, showing me cars they thought I might like. And this is considered normal: very helpful, and sometimes over-helpful car salesmen.

I have discovered that shopping in the Dominican Republic is similar. You walk into a store in the mall (Santiago, is the only place I have been to a mall here) and if they don't greet you at the door, it isn't long before someone is at your side. They may ask to help you, but sometimes they just stand there, waiting until you ask for help or pick an item that you want. This is slightly weird, since I seem to gain a smaller shadow when I walk into a store.

But their helpfulness does not stop there. Once you have selected an item, they will either take it from you and hold it until you decide to pay, or they will go put it up at the counter. If it is clothes, they will find a dressing room for you. Talk about service! I have also experienced this in the fruit market in town. This is the normal service at stores.

I have yet to decide if I see these actions as a service or an annoyance. I think so far it has been the first one. Kind of makes me think that car salesmen aren't as helpful as I thought.

Blogging

Man, I have gotten bad with keeping up my blog. I have had many things I have wanted to share, but never taken the time to sit and write out my thoughts. And after a bit of thought, I think I know why. When something is important to me, I become a perfectionist. I have plenty of blog ideas, but I want to make sure they are perfect for publishing. And I don't take the time (make or have) to write out my thoughts to my satisfaction. It's sad, really. I'm like this with all my ideas I have which I want to write.

In my opinion, I need to get over this in order to make something of the ideas that I have and satisfy myself. I honestly feel partially incomplete, like I am holding something back which shouldn't be.

With that peek inside of me, I think it is time to move on to some of those things I have been wanting to share but haven't. Get ready for a bunch of blogs in one day! :)

Random Things a Long Time Coming

Well Lent has come and gone and I guess I got so used to not blogging, since I gave up most internet usage, that I just have not sat down to do this. I am in the process of writing my thoughts on Lent and what I learned, but for now I have a few things I have been meaning to share.

I got a puppy on Feb 16th. Don't ask what kind of dog she is- I don't know. I picked her up when I was horseback riding near the river in town. She's a Domini-dog, aka a mutt. But she is cute :). Her name is Moca Late; it is spelled according to Spanish spelling (it would be Mocha Latte in English). But here is the best part of her name: 'late' in Spanish means "it bites". Therefore her name translated in "Moca bites". Which is so true right now (she's about 4 months old now).

In my classroom there is a white board where the girls can sign out so I know where they are. We also put the date up there each day. Earlier this month, one of the girls wrote the date as such "4+4=8". I thought it was clever. :)

I have a new goal in life (well, maybe not life, but at least for the time I am here): I want to find a perfect apple crisp recipe. I had been wanting some so I found a recipe online and made it. But I didn't like it too much and took up the challenge. If you have any suggestions or recipes, let me know. Oh, and I'm not looking to please a lot of people with this "perfect" recipe. My mouth is the only one I am concerned about.

I think that's all for now. Sometime soon I should have a post about my lessons from Lent.