When tragedy comes

My first concert was on Feb 2, 1997 (I'm pretty sure). I went to see Steven Curtis Chapman, along with Audio Adrenaline and Caroline Aarons. I loved SCC's music. He has been the longest standing favorite of mine.

I don't have time to search for details of the tragedy in his life in May, but here he is on Larry King Live. I have yet to finish it all (slow internet), but I have to say, I still really like SCC and family (not the most eloquence, but still good).

EDIT: I found the whole thing on youtube here.

Movie Review- Prince Caspian

About 5 months ago I went to go see National Treasure 2 in theaters with my family. At the very start of one of the previews, my eyes got big and my body froze. It was the rock skipping across the water. It was the logo for Walden Media. It was the preview for the next Chronicles of Narnia movie. It was the first time I had seen the Prince Caspian preview in theaters. It looked good, though with a little more fighting than I remembered in the book and I wasn't sure why I saw the White Witch. The best part, though, was the date it was coming out. I would be home on May 16th for my graduation the next day. PERFECT!

In preparation for watching the movie two weeks ago, I read the book on the plane ride home. I was raised reading and loving the tales of Narnia from C. S. Lewis. The thought of the movies coming out is both exciting and a little scary. How far from the books will they make the movies? How much of the Christian parallels will be removed? Those two questions are the two main things I ask when evaluating the movie. Along with “Did they include some of the funny quotes?” And with that in place, here is my take on the movie.

• They did a great job of telling the story of Caspian before even getting to England and the Pevensies, though Prince Caspian is a lot older than I expected. Also, the pulling of the magic into Narnia was well done.

• Quotes (from the book, but they made it into the movie in some fashion) 4 of my 6 favorites made it in.

  1. “That’s the worst of girls,” said Edmund to Peter and the Dwarf. “They never can carry a map in their heads.” “That’s because our heads have something inside them,” said Lucy
  2. “Welcome, child,” he said “Aslan,” said Lucy, “you’re bigger.” “That is because you are older, little one,” answered he. “Not because you are?” “I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”
  3. “How could I- I couldn’t have left the others and come up to you alone, how could I? Don’t look at me like that…oh well, I suppose I could. Yes, and it wouldn’t have been alone, I know, not if I was with you. But what would have been the good?” Aslan said nothing. “You mean,” said Lucy rather faintly, “that it would have turned out all right-somehow? But how? Please, Aslan! Am I not to know?” “To know what would have happened, child?” said Aslan. “No. Nobody is ever told that.” “Oh dear,” said Lucy. “But anyone can find out what will happen.” (Aslan)
  4. “Welcome, Prince,” said Aslan. “Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?” “I- I don’t think I do, Sir,” said Caspian. “I’m only a kid.” “Good,” said Aslan. “If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been proof that you were not.”

• I felt the movie missed a couple of the main themes or styles of the book. This one was more of a mystery/ adventure at the beginning as they try to figure out where they are, what year it is, where Susan's horn is and what is going on. In an attempt to get to the fighting (and an extra fight scene), this was rushed. Also in focusing on the war, you miss a lot of the history of Narnia. This is a slower book than the first; it should have been a slower movie. But the makers were obviously completing with Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and needed to make Prince Caspian more intense. The fairy tale-ness in this book was lost.

• Also, the movie made Aslan a much smaller part. The blind faith of Lucy was minimal. And High King Peter doubted his King's ability to help them. That hurt me. There was also a big section that was cut out (yes, it fit the more fairy tale theme, not the war theme) in which we see more of Aslan power, help and relationship with Narnia. The book shows his love and justice.

• I will say I was GREATLY impressed with the scene that included the White Witch. The took the scene from the book and added to it well (except for pulling Peter into the temptation). Good job, writers and producers.

• Lastly but certainly not least, the romance between Susan and Caspian. I cringed when he first looked at her as if he wanted her as his queen. And at the kiss I lost it. I'm sure some people in the theater (my sister included) thought I was just a little crazy. Or 5 years old and didn't like people kissing. Honestly, why add that?!

Ok, well, that's nice and long, but I did have a lot to say about it. Overall, a well made movie but I didn't like it. It was too different from the book where it really matters.

Cubs update: top of the 7th, Cubs up 5-3
Music update: Sons of Korah, Psalm 63
And the power is on and Moca is asleep.

Reflections on Lent

I know this is a little bit after the end of Lent. And no, I did not do it to see how my 40 days without things effected my usual life, though that did happen. To begin, here is what I gave up for Lent and my reasoning for giving it up.

1. Non-Christian music: When I get in certain moods (pity, regret, selfish), there are certain non-Christian songs that I listen to to stay in that mood. I know that is not beneficial for me, so I only listened to Christian music for Lent.

2. Unnecessary internet usage: This included mainly instant messenger and facebook and really left me with only email, news (but not for long) and things for school (ie Bible Gateway). I needed this since I spend so much time online rather than reading or my quiet time. I did allow myself to “break” this on Sundays.

And here are the lessons I learned.

1. What I listen to really does effect how I feel and act. My 40 days of only Christian music was beneficial and did help me to maintain a positive attitude. I could not keep myself in those negative moods, which helped me overall. Two weeks later, I have avoided resorting to these types of songs at the times when I would normally have listened to them. Yay for gaining some self-control!

2. It is so easy to replace one distraction for another. Right as I gave up internet usage, I got hooked on Grey's Anatomy. It took going through the season and having nothing else to take up my time before I began to spend my time reading, both novels and the Bible. After I “ran out” of a distraction, I was able to make reading a part of my normal routine.

3. I don't like Facebook. I know one friend who will be pleased with that conclusion. I realized that it is so artificial and that I want real communication with friends and family. Not some way-too-multi-purpose social network. Oh, and I really don't need to know all the little things going on with all my many “friends.”

4. I struggle about being intentional about maintaining friendships. Without constant instant messenger, I found myself talking to my friends and family less. It was tough, because I wanted to, but was not used to using email as my main communication. I've also found that I really do like instant messenger, but have changed from using it all the time to just using it for real conversations with friend (as opposed to reading away messages or 'chatting').

5. Overall, growing closer to God is more than just giving up things. It is way too easy to replace with other things that still keep us from Him. Or we end up giving up things that He may not mind us having. It is not about the things that we do or don't do, but our heart and whether or not it truly beats for Him.

My last blog for 40 days

I do not come from a church or family background that has celebrated Lent. In fact, I knew little to nothing about it until about 5 years ago when I moved to northwest Ohio and saw kids coming to school on Ash Wednesday with a black ash cross on their foreheads. I gathered a bit more information from asking my friends about it and hearing what they were giving up. Yet it always felt like a ritual to me, mainly because I did not understand the purpose and had not been raised with the observance. And so, I never gave anything up for forty days.

Until this year. I went to my first Ash Wednesday service this morning on campus and finally got a good explanation for the observation of Lent. Ashes in the Bible represent remorse for personal sin and the recognition of the need to be cleansed on the inside. It is also used to represent the mortality of our lives and how we are nothing more than dust and ashes. In preparing to celebrate Christ's death and resurrection, some Christians humble themselves and recognize their position as sinners who are no more than ashes.

The giving up of something or working intensely on a sin in theirs lives is an act of service to God. It is both an attempt to be cleansed of sin and a recognition that all that we have and do belongs to God. My brother said it so well the other day when he decided to give up something he loves, for more than just 40 days. "I have told God before," he said "that He comes first, even over basketball. Now I get to show Him that I mean that by giving up playing [in college]."

So, with this conversation in mind and the service this morning, I have decided to observe Lent for the first time in my life. I am giving up any unnecessary usage of the internet. Why? Because I know I spent too much time online. It is my default time filler. And I want to replace that time with reading and studying the Bible as well as building relationships with other staff here.

Therefore, this is my last blog for 40 days. I will certainly give an update on Easter. For those of you whom I know and usually communicate with electronically, I will not be using my screen name, but still checking my email. Feel free to ask questions about my decision or hold me accountable.

Channel flipping: Sean Taylor

I'm going to add to the many other online things about Sean Taylor. But he is not the focus of my post.

I was finished with classes and sitting in front of the TV while I ate my lunch. I didn't expect to find anything worth watching on ESPN news. But as I flipped by, they were broadcasting the funeral of Sean Taylor. I only caught the last bit: pastor David Peay Sr. talking about Taylor and his relationship with him, as well as the most important relationship anyone can have. I did my best to write down quotes, but I fear they will be paraphrases. Loud and clear through, I heard him talk about wealth meaning nothing without a relationship with Jesus and that you should "Just come to know Him before it's too late. You've got to know Him. You've got to have a relationship with Him."

Honestly, it caught me a little off guard to hear the truth and what I believe so clearly stated on TV. But I guess that was the intention. It is the truth and it needs to be told. Even when thousands are sitting there for a funeral. Even when you are being broadcast across the nation on ESPN news. I hope and pray many heard the words of Pastor Peay and will think more about knowing Him.

"Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You. There is not greater thing."

Kristen's Gambit

This was written about two weeks ago with the intent of sending it to the editor of our school newspaper. After removing about 150 words to fit the 400 word limit, I sent it in and hopefully it will be printed in the Echo tomorrow. Here is the full version. A big thanks to both Jared and Jason, for inspiring me to do something about this issue and helping me find Biblical support.

“When the women saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.” Genesis 3:6

Why was Eve tempted? Why did she take the fruit? First, it was food; a way to satisfy her body’s physical needs. But there were plenty other trees in the garden to eat from. Second, it was pleasing to the eye, possibly more so than the other fruit by the context. This drew her in and kept her attention. Third, she could gain wisdom, something she desired.

So, the first female mind thought this way when tempted: physical need, looks, and personal desire. Was this only in Eve does it remain in all of her daughters? Let’s see: Clothes: not quite a physical need, but almost; “Oh, that’s cute!; I’ll fit in/ stand out.”

Guys: sex drive; “Check out his calves/abs/eyes/arms.”; “I want to be loved and cared for.”

Now, I can’t say which of these three things moved Eve from temptation to sin, nor do I know the reasons behind the other things females seek after. But I do know that all too often we emphasize personal desire, leaving looks behind. It is clear that looks play a role in our decision making process. A big role.

We all know guys deal with visual stimulation when it comes to girls. We’ve read the Echo articles, heard it in youth group, and maybe even formed accountability groups to respond to it. We read passages like Song of Solomon 7:1-9, “How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince's daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands.” And while some of it may be uncomfortable, it doesn’t shock us.

But what about Song of Solomon 5:10-16? What is your reaction to references describing a man’s body, “Like polished ivory decorated with sapphires…” Or legs like “Pillars of marble”? Do you brush it off completely? Do you propose that, despite this passage, a female’s struggle is more emotional than physical? Or do you identify with it but are too afraid to speak up?

I used to be in the last group, until an illustrious* friend of mine challenged me to do something. I don’t presume to know what passes through a guy’s mind when he lusts or what triggers those thoughts, but I know my own experience. And I know well enough that I am not alone among females. We are like Eve… our attention is captured by physical attractiveness, and while we may not be as poetic as the beloved in Song of Solomon, a male’s body is attractive. Just like Eve, we move from temptation to sin when things are “pleasing to the eye.”

Why am I writing this? My purpose is three-fold:

1) For Males – Please be aware of this! I know society says you can be shirtless, but know that females will look, are tempted, and may fall into sin.

2) For Females – Stop hiding! If you don’t share your struggle, it’s easier to justify and harder to fight, and you will feel alone when you are not.

3) For Myself- Stand up and say something! Face the sin in your own life; if it means that much to you, do something about it.

Oh, and finally, to begin discussion instead of letting it be brushed away again. Now go – discuss!

*this friend of mine proofread this and I decided to leave this change of his :)

Words from Wednesday

My friend (whom I always seem to be referring to) does Wordless Wednesdays. Well, to be different, and because I want to post some of my favorite quote from the book I just finished, I am giving my Words from Wednesday. All are quoted from Paul Faber, by George MacDonald. There are so many more: why don't you go read the book :)

“Lord, I have laid my heart upon Thy alter,
But can not get the wood to burn;
It hardly flares ere it begins to falter,
And to the dark return.

Old sap, or night-fallen dew, has damped the fuel;
In vain my breath would flame provoke;
Yet see--at every poor attempt’s renewal
To Thee ascends the smoke.

’Tis all I have--smoke, failure, foiled endeavor,
Coldness, and doubt, and palsied lack;
Such as I have I send Thee; --perfect Giver,
Send Thou Thy lightning back.”

~~~~~~~~~~

"The Maker of men alone understands His awful mystery between the man and woman. But without it, frightful indeed as are some of its results, assuredly the world He has made would burst its binding rings and fly asunder in shards, leaving His spirit nothing to enter, no time to work His lovely will."

~~~~~~~~~~

”…we are as God made us. --No, I will not say that: I will say, rather, I am as God is making me, and I shall one day be as He has made me.”

~~~~~~~~~~

”Her uncle said sleep was God’s contrivance for giving man the help He could not get into him while he was awake.”

Under the sun

When I set out to write this, I didn't think it would be two pages long nor take me 2 hours. But I had a lot to say, and am decently pleased with how it came out. Please post your comments and reactions to this blog and the article. I don’t claim to know it all or have it all figured out. I invite your criticism to help me grow.

I want to thank my good friend Joanna for her post about this article (which you kind of need to read to understand this). It has given me something to react to as well as bring one of my essay topics into more of an actual essay form. So, I will begin by responding to the article and then add my own words.

Joanna titled her blog well- Legalistic. At first, the idea of keeping all the rules in the Bible for a one year experiment sounded interesting, potentially good, but too easily…legalistic. Then when my eyes read that Jacobs asked “strangers for permission to stone them for adultery”, I began to wonder if this guy really knew the purpose of these rules he was attempting to keep. I recently read through the first few books of the old testament, and learned a lot about the purpose of these laws God gave His people. (*disclaimer- I have had very little formal study on this; this is only based on my understanding, though I don’t think I am far off*) God gave them these laws for a few reasons. Some of them were health reasons- to keep His people alive in a world of little medical and health knowledge. Second- He is a holy God and can not be among unholy people (see Deut. 23:14). So these were ways to keep them holy (including sacrifices for their sins). I think this one relates to the above.

But the main reason I picked up was this: “The LORD will establish you as His holy people…Then all the peoples on the earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you.” (Deut. 28:9-10). It is for His people; they obey, and He will bless. Why? Well, so that He will be known on earth. In short the laws were not just a list of dos and don’ts, or things to carry around with you. You obey and follow for Him, not the laws!

“’Ask not what God can do for you, ask what you can do for God.’” Oh boy, does this man have it all wrong! He claims that this experience has moved him from “agnostic” to “reverent agnostic.” Oh, look what the law can do without a relationship with the true God who commands it all! This has been an issue on my mind lately, ever since reading “Thomas Wingfold” by George MacDonald. There is Being behind those laws. And they are a way to relate and know Him. It’s not about the laws- it’s about Him. You aren’t doing anything for God, well, unless you call building a relationship with Him “doing something.” Even then, it’s not really for His sake, though He does long for the relationship. Oh, but at its core it is not about doing. That comes second. (no this is not in contradiction to my last post. The works come when as we know the God who calls us to them.)

“The Bible affected every single part of my life…” as it should! But with what purpose? If it only makes you a better person and only gives you a better life, its purpose is incomplete. The Bible affects your life now, as well as your spirit and therefore eternal life. And even more than that, it gives you a chance to meet the One who loves you and made you. It’s like a chance to meet the once anonymous donor who gave you billions of dollars just because he cares.

I must say, I love the story about the old man in the park who asked him what he was doing. This “man in his 70s” nearly offered to be stoned for being an adulterer. Yet, before Jacobs could throw a pebble at him, this man threw one at Jacobs. “an eye for an eye” is what Jacobs thought. “How often did Jacobs offer other people to punish him when he sinned?” is what I wondered. And what definition of “adultery” was Jacobs using?

"Cafeteria religion…It’s all about picking the right parts. You want to take a heaping serving of the parts about compassion, mercy, and gratefulness- instead of the parts about hatred and intolerance." Why, I ask? Why do you get to decide what you choose to "eat"? Why not ask the Ruler-Maker? Oh yeah, He’s not important, only the rules are. Again, lacking the main purpose of it all- a relationship!

I recognize that Jacobs did not come at this from the perspective of a believer trying to please his God. He just wanted to try it. So, for the sake of trying it out to see what it is like and how easy/ difficult it is, that’s fine. It annoys me, though (and I hope rightfully so) that people tend to view the Bible as just that: a book with rules that are both difficult and sometimes rewarding. There is so much more that gets missed. Is it their fault for not seeing the bigger picture- or is it ours (believers)? Are we presenting the Bible for what it really is? Are we presenting Christianity for what it really is? We say it all the time: “it’s a relationship, not a religion.” But do we live that? Do YOU know the Man who took your sins? Are you trying to build the relationship, not your faith? Is the Son of Man really a man to you? Do I really know Jesus?

”Perhaps I could help you a little if you were really set out to find Jesus, but you must yourself set out. It is you who must find him. Words of mine, as the voice of one crying in the wilderness, may let you know that one is near who thinks he sees him, but it is you who must search, and you who must find. If you do search, you will find, with or without help of mine.” (MacDonald, pg 510) Lamentations 3:24-26
Jeremiah 29:11-14
Zephaniah 2:3
Matthew 7:7-11

"And it won't break my heart to say goodbye"

Thanks to my friend, I was made aware that ten years ago today Rich Mullins left this world. While I don't remember where I was when I heard the news, I know it affected me greatly. I had been listening to Christian music for only about 2 years prior to that, but I had such a liking for Rich and his music that his death had an impact on me.

I loved the music, including the dulcimer in many of his songs (the intro to "Sing Your Praise to the Lord" has to be the greatest). And his lyrics- they have been the cries of my heart to God many times. My favorite song has to be "Hold Me Jesus."

And I will echo my friend's sentiments- he would have been a great man to know. Maybe I'll go read a biography of him...my faith is in need of strengthening.

Sunday Evening Sermon

I mentioned "Thomas Wingfold" by George MacDonald yesterday, I would like to share a sermon that the curate Wingfold shared with his congregation during his search to find what he really believed. Click here to read it all.

"The church wherein you now listen, my hearers, the pulpit wherein I now speak, stand here from of old in the name of Christianity. What is Christianity? I know but one definition, the analysis of which, if the thing in question be a truth, must be the joyous labour of every devout heart to all eternity. For Christianity does not mean what you think or what I think concerning Christ, but what is of Christ. My Christianity, if ever I come to have any, will be what of Christ is in me; your Christianity now is what of Christ is in you...I have, alas, with blameful and appalling thoughtlessness I subscribed my name, as a believer, to the Articles of the Church of England, with no better reason than that I was unaware of any dissent therefrom, and have been ordained one of her ministers...As one standing on the outskirts of a listening Galilean crowd, a word comes now and then to my hungry ears and hungrier heart: I turn and tell it again to you--not that ye have not heard it also, but that I may stir you up to ask yourselves: 'Do I then obey this word? Have I ever, have I once sought to obey it? Am I a pupil of Jesus? Am I a Christian?' Hear then of his words. For me, they fill my heart with doubt and dismay.

"The Lord says: Love your enemies. Sayest thou, It is impossible? Then dost thou mock the word of him who said, I am the Truth, and has no part in him. Sayest thou, Alas, I cannot? Thou sayest true, I doubt not. But hast thou tried whether he who made will not increase the strength put forth to obey him?

"The Lord says: Be ye perfect. Dost thou then aim after perfection, or dost thou excuse thy wilful short-comings, and say, To err is human--nor hopest that it may also be found human to grow divine? Then ask thyself, for thou hast good cause, whether thou hast any part in him.

"The Lord said, Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth. My part is not now to preach against the love of money, but to ask you: Are you laying up for yourselves treasures on earth? As to what the command means, the honest heart and the dishonest must each settle in his own way; but if your heart condemn you, what I have to say is, Call not yourselves Christians, but consider whether you ought not to become disciples indeed. No doubt you can instance this, that, and the other man who does as you do, and of whom yet no man dreams of questioning the Christianity: it matters not a hair; all that goes but to say that you are pagans together. Do not mistake me: I judge you not. I but ask you, as mouthpiece most unworthy of that Christianity in the name of which this building stands and we are met therein, to judge your own selves by the words of its founder.
...
"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. He will none but those who with him do the will of the Father."

MacDonald, George (1996). Thomas Wingfold, curate. Whitethorn, CA: Johannesen.

Control Freak

“God this endless Being decides it all for us... we dont make choices that he hasn't already planned out for us... we dont make choices that even matter... He decided it all already... He tells us what to think what to eat when to sleep”

I don’t understand this feeling…I don’t grasp it. And it hurts me that my friend feels this way about his life: the helplessness and hopelessness which comes out in his everyday actions. I doubt that my words will even do anything or mean anything to him, if he even reads this, but I feel it needs to be said.

My view: God knows the future and what will happen in 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, 1000 years. He knows the facts of what will be. But this is not the result solely of God’s discretion. Without going into too much theology, the future was written into time at the creation, which includes the choices of sinful humans.

It is almost as if there are two futures. One that will be and one that would be if God did exercise complete control over us. His future is one of light burdens and easy yokes (Matt 11:30). His ideal is that no one would perish eternally (2 Peter 3:9). That is what life would be like if He had His way with our lives as was expressed above.

But as another one of my friends said, there are certainly things I have done which I know were NOT God’s plan. How often does life push us from Him? How often are our burdens beyond what we can carry? Life, the future, while known by God, is not controlled by Him. So what is His role? Helpless observer up in heaven going “Shoot, she messed up again! Oh, and look, she’s going to do it again. Yep, her future is not in my plan- she’s worthless.” NO- NO-NO!

“If there be a God…then all is well, for certainly he would not give being to such a woman, and than throw her aside as a failure and forget her. It is strange to see, though, how he permits his work to be thwarted. To be the perfect God notwithstanding, he must be able to turn the very thwarting to higher furtherance.” Thomas Wingfold by George MacDonald*. This turning of the thwarting may not be in your life, but in some other life, who has been willing to let God lead them. That is how God reaches in to change and control the future- where He has been invited in.

But I also believe that God can use you when you don’t allow Him to directly. He has created this world and has made it so that some choices are more beneficial to the individual as well as His plan for salvation and redemption. In our own selfishness, we may make these choices, in line with His best plan, without that as our main motivation.

So what? What does it matter? Your choices are your own to make. You get to control where your life goes and what happens. But all your choices boil down to one basic choice- to follow your own plan or God’s. Yes, they may align sometimes, against your will likely. When you give Him control, He will use you and your life for His plan. And while you may not have handed that to Him directly, He has come in because you have chosen an action in line with His plan.

I don’t have this all figured out. I’m sure many theologians would contest some of my thoughts, as well as others just like me. But this is my belief, and it works for me. And I can only pray that God will lead you to a place where you can say the same thing: I don’t know it all, I don’t need to, but I will accept what does make sense and walk on in faith from there. It’s a big step, but it is possible with Him. He is the cure for colorblindness, but that is for another blog another time- this one is quite long as it is.

Please, your thoughts and reactions are requested! Just do it with a helpful, humble spirit.

*If you have not read George MacDonald, I highly recommend him. I have only read a few of his fairy tales and some of his novels, but if you enjoy C.S. Lewis, you will love MacDonald (he inspired Lewis). The novel this comes from is a great tale of a young curate’s journey to find out if he really believes what he has preached in front of so many. More from this novel later.

My thoughts on Prayer

Congrats Joanna- you got me to blog for the first time in a few weeks. She blogged about the Colts. I do not intend to reveal my loyalties about the game, though I may after the game is finished. What I intend to do is respond to her question about praying for the outcome of the game. I knew it would get too long if I just left a comment, so I am devoting a whole blog to it. Plus, I have been wanted to write about this topic and now I have motivation.

To preface, these are just my thoughts about prayer as I have experienced in my life. They have not been checked against scripture for their validity. But as I see it, there are 3 different types of communication we can have with God. First, we can talk to Him. This is simply conversing with Him as you would a friend: sharing the events of the day, your emotions and reactions to those events. This also includes statements about your desires, dislikes, and other emotions. These treat God as a friend who cares and is listening to anything you care to say.

Secondly is what I'll call a request. This is where the conversation shifts from being solely a friendship and introduces the idea that God is the Creator and Giver who cares for you and can act in your life. Here you ask things of God that you would like, with the knowledge that He is able to meet your request.

Lastly we have what I'll officially call prayer. While I have not looked up the scriptures, I believe this is supported as a conversation in which you trust fully in God's power and know that He will give you what you ask. Note the difference between what I call prayer and a request. A request acknowledges that God can do what you ask and a prayer acknowledges that God will do what you have asked.

But how is prayer even possible; do we ever know for certain that God will do as we ask? While I don't want to open up this new topic, I will say that I have been led by God to pray certain things which I fully believe He will grant, if I am willing to pray for them as He leads. A prayer is, therefore, not selfish. You know that God will grant the prayer when it is for His glory, in line with His plan, presented humbly. So a prayer is always answered in the way we asked? If it meets the requirements I listed above, yes.

I have often found that prayers require surrendering my own desires for what I know is God's desire. Prayers are hard to say, since they may not be what you want to ask of God. Requests are the desires you have and, knowing God has the power, you ask of Him. This DOES NOT make requests any less important, though I believe prayers are the mark of a mature Christian.

My conversations tend to have all three of these elements: I start by talking about my life in general and God tends to reveal to me what His will is. I then pray for those things, with a humble heart. But I always add my requests. He loves me for who I am, and while He is making me into His image, He knows I still have my own desires. I share those with Him; I ask Him for those things that I want. But I always end something like this: "God, this (my prayer) is what I want and I know You will do. I want it because You want it. But these things (my requests), Lord, are the things that I want. Grant them if You wish, but thank you for granting my prayers."

Wow, this is a long road to get to the answer (do you even remember the question?). I think we can ask God to bring about a certain outcome for the game, as long as we realize this is only a request: a question posed to God not because He will do it, but because He can. Oh, and He does care about these types of things (listen to Dr. Spiegel's idea on this).

Trials, part 2

It is so funny how, in this life, the things of God seem so unstable in our lives. The peace of God, the faith we have in Him and His will, and our love for Him, all tend to come and go, sometimes on a daily basis. Yesterday when I posted, I felt God's comfort and love so strongly. Yet today, when my situation changes a bit, the pain comes rushing back in and finding that comfort and peace is hard.

It is such a struggle to live constantly in God in this world. We are humans, and not to use that as an excuse, but there are so many things that keep us from the things of God. There is this sinful world and our desires for things of this earth.

But one thing I can say, no matter how strong the pain gets or how many tears come to my eyes, I know that God is still there. I may not be able to feel Him as closely and the anger may outweight the comfort, but He is still there. And that's what makes me different than others. Look beyond the pain and hurt and the emotions inside of me right now and you will see this: a firm foundation which is God- His love, comfort, peace and....Him, the I AM.

That is what keeps me going, though the pain remains. He keeps His promises; He never leaves; He is the one I should hold on to!

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
to you that for refuge to Jesus have fled?

When trials come

I have had a crazy past few weeks, emotionally. It has been a rollercoaster of amazing highs and terrible lows. I have felt so pleased and also cried more than ever. There have been pains I didn't expect. While I wish it all could have gone differently,
i have found a peace in the pain
i have found a hope in shattered dreams
i have found a strength in my weakness
i have found God here with me- and i'm not letting go!

There is something I have learned in all of this (actually many things, but for now I'll just share one) and that is how to view troubles, trials and pain. As much as we (and our parents for us) hope for a perfect, painfree life, that is never going to happen. First, we live in a sinful world. Second, we are sinful creatures. There is a lot we can do to screw up our own lives. Sometimes this is on purpose and other times we don't realize it- both times generally blinded by temporary pleasures.

But God can also be the cause of these trials. Hebrews 12:7 says "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" It is through these hard times, even if created by ourselves, that God can grow us to be more like Him. (Hebrews 12:10-11)

So what do we do when the dreams we have of a perfect life fall apart? First, cling to God. There you can find peace and comfort and joy, despite the pain. Second, take a look at the situation, with God and other believers you are close to, and see what happened. Was this your fault? Was it the sinful world's? Was it God's way to grow you? Third, be open to learn whatever God has to teach you, so that you can become more like Him.

In no way am I saying that this will make everything easier. What it will do is help you to carry on and not be overcome with the pain. For me, I continue to play "what if..." situations in my head and feel the pain. But I know that this is where God wants me and He is using this to make me more like Him. I have found God here with me and I am not letting go!!

My name for God

I have always enjoyed the variety of names given to God in the Bible. The major characterists of God are given names: LORD, God, Abba, Adonai, Jesus and King. With each name, we get a better understanding, or a new understanding, for who this being is. He is beyond all that we know or could imagine, but the names help us to relate to Him for who He is: King, God, Abba. Check out some of the following links about God's names:

• List and meanings


• God has a name


• Names in Old Testament


• Whole Bible


• Common names

My favorite name for God has always been I AM (or LORD; Exodus 3:14-15). That name means so much more than we can comprehend- God is. One name that I love to call God has been Daddy. I now have a new name that I enjoy to call God: Rey-papa.

It comes from George MacDonald's writings where the princesses call their father king-papa. I liked the mix of majesty and power that comes with the king, yet he is still their papa. I translated king into Spanish and got Rey.

I have found that using this name when talking to God makes me feel like a child; the eight year old Irene from "The Princess and the Goblin", by MacDonald. I can approach God as a child, as it should be. Rey-papa, this is all for You!

Body of believers

Am I not called to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to live Godly lives? Am I not told to address areas of sin or causing of sin in lives of fellow believers? Am I not expected to help a part of the body to live for Christ?

What if the part doesn't listen? What if the part doesn't see the need to change? What if the part doesn't see the potential for glorifying God even more?

How much should I challenge the part? How much should I let God mold the part? What am I supposed to do?

Stewardship

As followers of Christ, we are called to be good stewards of the things God has given us. The ones we hear talked about the most are money and time. But what about us- who we are, our personality and are character. God made us each unique. If we do not live according to that, are we not also bad stewards? If we deny an aspect of our character or seek a different personality, are we not bad stewards?
Seek to be the person who God created you to be- be a steward of you.

ps- news and stories of Daytona Beach spring break trip will be posted when I find the time in my busy schedule.

Far from perfect

This should come as no big shock, but I everyday I am seeing in myself things that I do not like. I am not who I want to be and who God wants me to be. But, I see no time to complain and feel pitiful- I am still loved!! God is so awesome and no matter who I am right now or have been in the past, He still loves me and wants to be close to me.

I have always heard that you don't have to get well before you go see a doctor, but I never realized how true it is. God has reached out to me despite all of my weaknesses and begun to change me into who He wants me to be. Now, this is not a fast process and I will always have flaws, but some things that I hate the most in myself have become less and less a part of who I am.

So, while I am not perfect, I know that God still loves me and is ready to change me even now. Thank you, God!!

"Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God!
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing God!"
~Chris Tomlin "Indescribable"

D.T.R.

I assume that most college students know what that stands for: Define The Relationship. I don't know about you, but at Taylor, I have a feeling that DTRs do not have a good connotation. But I'm not here to talk about what you may think of a DTR- it's too painful =P.

This Sunday, my pastor talked about DTRs: with God. While I wasn't too sure about the ideas at first, I realized that this works out well. Wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you believe, it is not bad to have a DTR with/ about God. Know what you believe and want for your relationship with God. You may have reasons you don't want to get to know Him, you may hate Him, or you may desire to know Him more. Whatever it may be, talk about it with Him (if you don't believe in God, pretend or just work it out in your mind).

Now, a DTR is not complete without both parties participating, and I know God wants to participate. Check out His word, the Bible, and see what He has to say about His relationship with you.

There; it's not that hard or any more painful than a "normal" DTR and it may help you know why you act as you do, believe what you do and are who you are.